Like many other members on this site you can't help but see the obvious after seeing it hundreds of times.
We've all been there. It seems like the total opposite of what you should be doing, BUT its REALLY the ONLY THING THAT WORKS if there was ever a real chance.
For some. If their gone their gone. In the long run you are better off letting them go. You cant convince someone to love you.
When do you consider an affair to be over? If they haven't talked for a couple of weeks or if she is mad at him for having OW2, is it over? Or does it take more time to lose "those feelings" for the OM? I think someone said it could take months.
You guys are all right. I will tell her she is not going.
PMA, she just may be gone as you say above. Sometimes I think that is the case and other times I think she is going to crack. I just don't know. It will help to have a court date and get some structure around this thing.
I'm going to miss you IDU. Be sure to post once in a while and let us know how things are going. Best of luck to you.
Maybe it's just me and my own personal injection after going through all this, but I'm starting to see things as a little confilicting here.....
Dan's W is having an AFFAIR, has finally been caught red handed in it yet continues to deny. The MARRIED other person in the AFFAIR is having a subsequent AFFAIR with someone else. Yet, Dan's W doesn't seem to mind.
How can you vaildate with a mind in this rationale?
I think she minds. The OM said she is pissed and probably won't contact him again. Maybe just a ruse, but who knows. Even if she is mad at him, that doesn't mean she is coming back to me.
Dan - The only thing you can do... keep on repeating the Serenity Prayer Dan. That is one of the things that kept me going through my whole process...
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.
"W said this morning that she "thought it would be easier on the kids if she went along, but that she understood if I didn't want her to go and didn't think it would be much fun anyway."
Dan: "OK, I'm sure the kids will miss you, but this is probably for the best if I just take them. Look, I gotta run and (insert GAL activity here). I'll talk to you later."
Puppy
Do you see how this RESPONSE is validating your W's decision that D is the best answer? Do you see how this is not pursing behavior?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
"W said this morning that she "thought it would be easier on the kids if she went along, but that she understood if I didn't want her to go and didn't think it would be much fun anyway."
Dan: "OK, I'm sure the kids will miss you, but this is probably for the best if I just take them. Look, I gotta run and (insert GAL activity here). I'll talk to you later."
Puppy
Do you see how this RESPONSE is validating your W's decision that D is the best answer? Do you see how this is not pursing behavior?
I see it. Still learning. I have to prepare for these situations better. After conversations, I always think, "I should have said ths, or I should have said that." I need to practice the outcomes before I get myself into these situations. I am not always so quick on my feet.
What could she say that should make me consider taking her along?
"Dan, I'm sorry, I was wrong and need to work on myself, and have withdrawn the petition for divorce and end of our family"
It is very important to "Set her free". Your mindset has to be that you are D and a single dad. You and her are no longer a team. You are no longer friends. She needs to pursue you now. The first sign of this will be her withdrawing the D filing.
Look at the VALIDATION in this statement: "I have now had time to think about everything, and you know what, you are right, this is not working for me and D is the best"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Dan: "OK, I'm sure the kids will miss you, but this is probably for the best if I just take them. Look, I gotta run and (insert GAL activity here). I'll talk to you later."
Puppy
Do you see how this RESPONSE is validating your W's decision that D is the best answer? Do you see how this is not pursing behavior?[/quote]
I see it. Still learning. I have to prepare for these situations better. After conversations, I always think, "I should have said ths, or I should have said that." I need to practice the outcomes before I get myself into these situations. I am not always so quick on my feet.
[/quote]
No big deal. So follow up with her, immediately, and say "You know, the more I think about it, there's really nothing to think about, and I don't mean to keep you hanging. I'm sure the kids will miss you, but this is probably for the best if I just take them. Look, I gotta run and (insert GAL activity here). I'll talk to you later."
