Just found out she already filed

[Nikita Belle]

(((SR))))

Let go what you can (the hair would piss me off too, but may not be worth even bringing up). The money stuff is ridiculous. I'm shocked she can even ask you for that after all the support $ she's getting. I'd be tempted to say- offhandedly, without anger- please take it out of this month's support check, thanks.

One book I have makes a good point over and over- that when you're about to or in the midst of fighting over some possession or "small" issue, to ask yourself "will this matter to me in 5 years?". I know right now things are still just settling for you, so there will probably be lots of these smaller things right now, but I'm trying to tell myself that, too. It helps me let go of some stuff that will only end up angering me, which hurts me, not H, and focus on what really matters. It's hard, but it's getting easier and every time I'm able to do it, I think "I'm the one who's coming out on top here- if I can learn to let stuff slide off my back (and you know you and I are similar personalities in a lot of ways), it will help me move on and be happy". Remaining "engaged" to anything, whether that's verbally, emotionally, about a possession, or whatever = remaining attached.

I just boggle at the stuff about "that's what I get for getting one on CL". As you know, my H says that stuff too and I'm tempted to say "wtf makes you think I care? You wouldn't have to deal with this if you hadn't demanded a D- so live with the consequences and go whine to someone else." I guess something we do or have done in the past makes them think we care (I know that's true in my case), and so we're still convenient complaint audiences. For those, I wouldn't even respond. And, I know you're mad about the ipod, but if she wants to be nitpicky about it being hers, let her have it- ask yourself: why would I want something of hers anyway- it will just remind me of her when I need to detach. You've got - and will always have- plenty of reminders without having tangible possessions surrounding you.

[DaddyLongShanks]

Yeah, mommy ate daddy after using him- like a blackwidow lol but I'll never say anything bad about her mom to her. I know STBXW loves DD and I'm thankful for that. Also since DD's half me and half her she can't deny loving part of me...ok enough with my philosophical statements.

Alice, DD's doing ok with the cat thing now, still she tells everyone we see "I'm sad because a coyote ate my 2 yo cat...". I think it's OK, it's her way of dealing with it by sharing her pain with everyone and recieving sympathy and support in return.

Well nothing has been settled out of court other than the household stuff- even that is not really done. I sent her that email about me emptying out the dressers etc and to come and get her stuff but she hasn't responded. I've thought about forcing this issue but why? it's not really in the way and with the cat stuff etc I don't want to kick her while she's down.

Other than that there hasn't been any other discussion in regard to splitting up the assets so to court it goes for now.

As for me, I was doing better over the last few weeks but the last couple of days have been a bit tough. I think it had to do with DD. I was hoping to have a good bonding time with her but it just didn't turn out that way. Yesterday the temps were in the mid 90s so after I picked her up from school we drove straight home as opposed to going to a park. Well, our power was out and had been out for almost the whole day. So we walked into a nice 90degree house with the poor cats probably cursing me too.

Thankfully the neighbor across the street let run an extension cord to power up my refrigerator and I used a battery pack to power a small fan in DD's room for the night but it was hot.

Today I'm feeling a bit lonely- even at work. Don't know why but my mind keeps latching on to "I need a woman in my life". I keep reminding myself I don't need a woman but I think that's where the difference between a need and want comes in. Will I breathe, eat, function without one? of course, is it all I want? no. I miss the intimacy, the connection I was used to. Well not soo much the former as I got turned down a lot- but I've always been persistent

I was talking to a friend on IM.

Him: "one word buddy: cougar!"
Me: "no thanks, not really into that and to be honest cougar or not I'm just afraid of any kind of a relationship these days. I don't know if someone will have an agenda of any kind"
Him: "why?"
Me: "umm...I don't know, like what if they have STD, or just want to get pregnant or who knows what?"
Him: "you're paranoid"
Me: "ok what do you consider a cougar?"
Him: "someone who's either a divorcee or widow and tend to be in at least their late 30's they're out to have fun with their newly found freedom but it's not just 20's fun. they're ready to get serious if they find someone suitable."
Me: "well you just described STBXW as she is today, no thanks!"
Him: "lol- well if you're not ready you're not ready"

In other news I got a couple of things from my Amazon wishlist and then felt guilty for spending money when I shouldn't be. But I gotta live my life too so after mulling over it for a couple of days I'm over it. Looking forward to getting them.

This weekend I have to change the brakes on my car, flush the brake fluid, rotate tires, top-off and check over the car. I put almost 40k miles on it a year. That and hopefully a bike run if the weather cooperates.

StupidRomeo,

If you want a female companion to share your life with, then thats fine. Do it if thats what you want to do. Remember how you meet them is important.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks NB! those are great suggestions. I especially like the 'will this matter to me in 5 years?' question but I'm always torn between taking the high road and putting my lead foot down ala Gucci, Coach, OldFool etc. It's hard to know when to do what. I end up taking the high road mostly but don't want to come across as weak and a pushover.

I just boggle at the stuff about "that's what I get for getting one on CL".

I think it's a back handed comment and what she's really saying is: "thanks a lot for not giving me my router back and suggesting to buy it on CL- see how you're the source of my problems?"

I gave her my word on paying the 'last' bill so if she's asking I'll keep my word. I'm thinking something like this:

"Sucks about the phone. I'll write you a check for $49.06 for the ATT bill as I'd promised you. I have all the other bills on autopay from my accounts but if they're still showing your name I'm good with you taking your name off as long as they understand not to shut off the services. I need to know what we're doing about the b.day because I have to send out the invitations if we're doing it together. We also need to bring her to the new school for a visit, let me know when's a good time sometime in the second or third week of Aug. Finally, here're a couple of co-parenting counseling/classes available in the area. Let me know which you prefer: ... "

[braveheart]

Romeo, I have been following this, but no saying anything. Its very obvious you are dealing with someone who is rather spoiled to say the least. If I were you, I would be tough on the divorce negotiations and the possessions. When I got divorced, I gave my XW 1 month to move all her things out, she took her sweet time and didn't get them all out, guess what, she lost what she didn't get. I had it put in the papers. Her personal stuff that she didn't get made great firestarters for me in the fire pit. I also cut communication with her. I realize that you have a daughter, but I would keep the conversation only about her and VERY BRIEF. My reasoning is this, why talk to her? All she wants to do is try to blame you for things, so take her power away. Also, I would take her name off all the bills, including the cell phone, if she wants one, make her get her own.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks BH, haven't heard from you since way back when. Hope all is well with you.

Here's a slightly harsher version:


I have all the bills on autopay from my accounts if they still have your name on them make sure they know not to disrupt my service. I'll add $49.06 to the next alimony check to cover the last ATT bill.

No, you need to get your stuff out of the house by Aug keeping in mind that I'm not available on the weekend of Jul 31st.

If we're doing DD's b.day together this year then I need to know ASAP. Finally, I want to bring her to her new school for a visit the 2nd or 3rd week of Aug let me know which works better for you...if you want to go.


I can turn up the heat more if necessary.

[bluestar]

SR, I would do the checking myself on the bills so no "mistake" is made with your utilities. Also, you should be more clear that this is the final payment for ATT so she doesn't come after you again next month as seems to be her habit. For the household stuff, I would give her an actual date in Aug that she needs to meet and as Braveheart said stipulate that in the D paperwork so she can't claim later that she needs more.

For D's bday, I would just make my own plans. You can let her know if you want but eventually you are going to be doing things separately anyway might as well get used to it.

Same thing with the school visit. Tell her when you are going and let her know she's welcome to come along if she wants or arrange something on her own. By the way, I thought the school thing was thing in dispute, did you guys reach an agreement?

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks bluestar, that was helpful and I'm leaning towards doing what you recommended. I'm still split on the b.day stuff only because DD's really looking forward to it and since she's turning 6 she'll probably remember this one forever. Last one she was still a bit babyish. So I keep waffling between sucking it up and doing this last b.day together or doing my own thing.

School wise I caved in and decided to send DD to the private school since she said she'll pay for the tuition portion for this school year. She should've gotten the letter about this from my attorney on Fri but she hasn't said anything. I just called the school and made an appt for a visit so I'll let her know.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Here's what I have, if you guys see anything I should/shouldn't say please let me know:


At this point I have all the bills on autopay from my accounts except trash but if they still have your name on them then go ahead and have it removed. Just make sure they know not to disrupt my service. I'll add $xx.xx to the next alimony check to cover the last and *final* ATT bill from my side.

You need to get your stuff out of the house by Aug xx. So far I'm not available on the weekend of Jul 31st. Also, before you pick up your stuff I need an email from you stating that all household items have been divided and finalized.

As for DD's b.day I've decided I'll make my own plans to celebrate it since you have not provided me with the info that I asked for.

I've also made an appointment for DD and I to tour the [priv school] on xxx at 3pm. You're welcome to come if you like.

[ClingingToHope]

Birthday stuff is tough. D7's birthday is next week and several months ago she said she wanted to do it together. Her birthday falls on a Thursday, not my day, but I do have her Wednesday night so I'm taking her to Medeival Times like I did with D11 and I'm not inviting STBXW. Thursday D7 will wake up at my place and I'll give her a small birthday present (Webkins) and have a Happy Birthday banner hanging in the living room.

You say she'll remember 6 for the rest of her life. She'll remember 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, etc. Some people do birthdays and Christmas' together. Right now I don't think I'm ready for that and I may never be.

School stuff. We did parent conferences together last year. I haven't decided on whether I should ask for separate conferences this year or not. Same reasons as above. STBXW likes to play happy family sometimes and hide from what she's doing.

[Virtually_Handsome]

I sure don't remember my sixth birthday.