DBing starts off with NOT talking about the relationship and I think you are seeing why. If you haven't read How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Finding Love Beyond Words, by Patricia Love, I would highly recommend that you read it.
At some point, there has to be R talk, but even then we have to learn a different way to do it. MWD posits that you DON'T go over history, you change the present and the future. You don't talk about what you didn't like and what hurt you, you talk about what you would like and what would make you feel loved. Otherwise, everyone just gets defensive.
