"The M you have reached has been disconnected...."

[ClingingToHope]

FIB, I've always searched for your thread because you are level-headed and write clearly. You are ahead of me in the process so in a way you are my role model.

A few things -- stuff you already know:

* The schedule now will not be the schedule forever. Who knows, your ex may not be able to handle them long-term. There may be opportunities down the road to pick up more time.

The contact thing is tough. Right now, during the school year I see them almost every day for at least an hour so I don't have the need for daily contact -- although I still hate not being there to put them to bed each night. That was the biggest change.

* This summer I'll go as much as six days without seeing them and they don't have cell phones so I have to call STBXW. Right now, knowing school is back in session in a month, I'm not calling because I just don't want to hear STBXW's voice.

* No matter how much they seem to be drifting, stay in their lives. My dad, after the divorce, remained very active in mine. He came to every game, every practice, I went over there on weekends. As I got older, though, I started to do what teenagers do, put friends in front of family. And my dad couldn't keep it together. He bought a bar, fell off the wagon, ran up DUIs and had to leave the state. In college, I went nearly two years without hearing from him and only saw him twice over the lost six years of his life.

* Always be the "bigger" person. You may never realize it. You may never live to hear it, but that stuff sinks in. I stayed with my mom and I love her, but going through this process has reminded me how heroic my dad was for a long time. He never tore my mom down, while my mom continually criticized him, and he never showed anything to me while my mom went through a string of relationships. I know now how much that had to hurt.

This is a lesson I'm trying to learn. When my girls are talking about me 30, 40 years from now, I want them to be proud.