I'm not sure which Patricia Love book discussed the fear/shame dynamic, but it's worth learning about to get a better working knowledge of how women and men think and are motivated differently. It may explain some of the things we find confounding. Below are some useful links.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200811/the-fear-shame-dynamic

http://www.danmetevier.com/files/Top_10_Differences_Between_Men_and_Women.pdf