The anger just flows in such waves...nothing...nothing...then BAM. while I was doing this THIS was going on. THIS person made a comment long ago when a bit tipsy and I did not catch it. while I was lying in bed broken up with a screw in my ankle...while I was busting my a$$ in the yard to make things nice for her party...and on and on.
Jeezus, how long before the past goes away or is at least muted. If I cannot get my mind off things at work...where is there comfort?
I am a babbler by nature and this keeping quiet thing is just the nastiest damn bit of irony I can imagine. It is like she has me in a box and I know I just have to realise it is of my own making, but can only seem to peek over the friggin lid.
How can a rational being with all this evidence and great advice keep cycling through these destructive feelings when they KNOW they are no good?
Keep wanting to post the scene from City slickers where the guy talks about realizing his Dad was not just cheating on his Mom, but was doing it to all of them. This selfish person has destroyed the future I envisioned and the family I love, and I just have to take a big bite of the [censored] sandwich and get on with things. It all sounded so easy four months ago, and I am still struggling so much.
I hope someone can come along in a year and see this to get a sense of the time/cycling they have to look forward to, because I am going to check out some of those journey type posts and try to draw something from them.
