Sorry you're here. You're in good company. The vets should be around in a little while.
Your sitch sounds a lot like mine (and quite a few others on this board...). Your W is following the same WAW script.
Prior to the ILYBINILWY bomb, did she have a life outside of your home?
My SAHM WAW suffered from depression, too, and didn't do much for herself while she was taking care of our kids. She started to resent me because I spent all day in an office talking to grown-ups, and when I got home, I didn't do enough to make sure she had time for herself and emotional support.
When someone else came along who listened to her and gave her attention, my W had an EA/PA, and convinced herself that our love wasn't real because she had "in love" feelings for OM that were stronger than the mature, nose-wiping, diaper-changing, cuddling in bed every night love we had.
Once I got the bomb, my W gave the same responses, almost word for word, about wanting to live alone, never loving again and not trusting my changes.
I'd expect that the OM from her school is still in the picture.
Can you gather intel, like cell phone records or computer browsing history to verify?
Also, after her EA three years ago, what kind of transparency plan was put into place so you could trust her again?
Good luck. No matter what happens, you are going to be okay.
