Not to sound cold here,but Sunny your two oldest kids are old enough to have part-time jobs. Even your youngest could have a paper route or something.You need to get out there and find a job. It would do wonders for your self-esteem and maybe help you stop being "clingy".
I can see from what you write how your WAH looks at that "picture" of you and the baggage you represent.I don't think you realize that you come across to him in the way....but to a WAS it could.
Telling him the things you do is not working. I would suggest a complete 180.....a COMPLETE 180 from what you have been doing. Make him believe you are independent of him and don't need him. Let him see how you are just fine without him. Create a different vision for him to view. He doesn't respond well to the one he's looking at now.
I know what you're saying, Sandi. Actually, the 2 oldest do have part-time jobs. The youngest, when he turns 15 (in a few months) is going to start helping at his karate studio to earn his own tuition there. I mentioned the oldest looking because she's looking for work in her college town, for when school starts.
H and I had agreed that it was better for me to go back to school and finish my degree rather than going to work full time, because of the earning potential. I'm not looking to make "big bucks" but something better than $10-$12 would definitely be better, which is all I can get right now without that degree and experience. Now, we agreed to this when I thought we were working on the R (that he actually wanted to). I have no problem going to work full time if need be. I do have a part-time job lined up that starts in August (5 hours a day Mon-Fri). A judge friend of mine was also concerned about the D settlement if I go back to work full-time. Less alimony I would get as opposed to showing the court I'd been a stay at home mom for most of 20 years.
I DO feel you are right about H seeing me and the kids as baggage. I think he's going to see it that way no matter what being that he has to know that even if we D that he still is going to have to pay alimony and child support. Not sure how to combat that because I sure can't make enough right now to totally support myself and 3 kids. BUT...I do take your perspective to heart: if I go back to work full time it will look more like I am independent. Maybe that's worth it right now as opposed to going to school full time and working part time. ??? I have done a budget this past week and let H know I am working on my own financial plan.
I can see where I probably look very clingy. I don't want to! I feel I've done a pretty good job of keeping my composure around H and for the kids. H HAS noticed the changes I've made. I just need to keep doing more. AND...I need a plan of action as to when/how to tell him he needs to leave if he does not want to make this marriage work. That's what I'm working on later day, after my class.
