"The M you have reached has been disconnected...."

[faithisbelieving]

Well, I think it's time to post the final thread. Bombed in May, '06. 17 months of trying to save something that was dead. Filed Dec. 2007. 2 1/2 years of being tortured, attempts at having me arrested and thrown out of my house. Stipulation signed 5/12/10. My kids and X move out the week before Memorial Day weekend and...I become a divorced father of 2 beautiful children.

I am living alone now in a 3000 sq ft house on 1/2 acre of property that is up for sale. Somewhere, I have a video that I shot while standing in the same place to show it's construction.It seems like yesterday that X and I moved in. I have no children for breakfast during the week. I must survive on 2 dinners and alternating weekends, and, ironically, that is a LOT in my state. I am not bitter about my divorce nor do I miss my X wife. What's most painful is my children's diminishing calls and texts to me...days that are deathly quiet as I must battle a sensation of feeling secondary. Do I call them or not? Am I showing them that I, myself, am strong and moving on? Or, do I constantly pester them to contact me. Well, I don't think it's the latter.

Ironically, I think my children have adjusted much better than I predicted and in reality, it is I that is suffering more.

I don't care what anyone says, a hands-on dad gets screwed in divorce. Yes all: I accept any criticism on this last line.

It's sorta like a long war and, finally, the last shell hits. You get up, look around and everything is leveled. Your clothes are smoking and hair is singed off...but...you are alive. You look down and all your limbs are there. Somewhere under the rubble you find your kids and they are safe too, just..changed from the conflagration. You get an initial feeling of relief. The worst is over...or is it?

You're belongings are gone. Your house is destroyed, but, you grab your kid's hands and start walking, aimlessly at first, but, you realize that you must keep going..pick up the pace and choose a direction.

I wish I had all the answers. After 4 years of websites, divorce and self-help books, DB counselors, marriage counselors, pdfs, IC, family therapists, I'm not sure that I still understand what happened.

I'm smarter.

I'm more educated.

And, of course, much poorer and financially destroyed.

Divorce be not proud.

On the flip-side, there is always a silver lining within a grey cloud, and, I DO believe that when one door closes another door opens. As the song says, "sometimes saying goodbye is a second chance". More on this in the future.

Ironically, I still think of a member here whom I never met nor contributed to his thread. He was before me. I became aware of his thread thru my friend Jeff223. He spent months DB'ing here, frequently blaming himself for his wife's departure: either he didn't DB enough or he backslid too much. 60 days after his divorce, his XW remarried. Although he heard rumors that there may have been an OM, he chose to ignore the 'cheeseless tunnel'. His final comment was about living in a beautiful house, children, etc, to living in a rundown shabby apartment and staring at the two marital champagne glasses on the shelf from his M, his fate.

Well, I choose to take 'MY champagne glasses' and toast to the future. I have no choice but to adapt to my new lifestyle and limited parenting time.

Finally, there were so many people who followed and supported me. Some people I was able to return the favor and other's, I was just too overwhelmed, hurting, but, you were always in my prayers. You all mean so much to me. The character, integrity and insight you all had, leads me back to the very beginning....why?

Hugs. FIB OH....oops..almost forgot : Strength and honor.