I'm sorry for your pain, QS. I will pray for you this morning.
Puppy
Thank you Puppy. I definitely need it. After reading your sitch, I really thought there was hope in mine. But after last night, something about the whole thing just changed.
@ Allen:
I guess this FT didn't work out. She came so HIGHLY recommended, and this was my absolute LAST shot with my wife and counseling.
It was just horrible to watch it all slip away last night. When my wife said "I just want to move on with my life and be free. I don't blame him for this, it is just how it worked out", I just felt it all go.
All she wants is to be away from me. She wants to be "alone" in "her own place" as far away from me as possible. I don't know how much further gone you can get.
Like I said, only a miracle could save this now. But I do have to keep my dignity. And selling this house and parting ways might just help me do that.
I told her I would talk to a Realtor and then make my decision.
At the VERY least, the house won't sell for at least 3 months, and maybe she won't resent me sooooo much.
With me letting her COMPLETELY go like this, maybe, just maybe, things won't seem so bright and fulfilling when she knows I have truly moved on.
Maybe that is what needs to happen for a miracle to take place. Maybe I have to do THE most painful thing I have ever done in order to open up the possibility of an 11th hour turn around.
But I WILL keep my dignity in all this.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
QS you need to realize there are many people on this forum who are fighting for thier marriages while living separately... There are argumentst that this can HELP as well.
Most important, since I don't have time to type a lot is to NOT JUST FOLD .... It validates her behaviour.
It's ok to be polite and throw an olive branch into the situation, but don't just CAVE because you aer in pain...
Mostly I am disgusted with this FT for allowing the sessions to get this out of hand. The FT is NOT supposed to GANG UP on you with a nasty mouthed wife and BOTH beat at you about selling a home... That is VERY UNPROFESSIONAL
I think you should at least negotiate the sale of the hosue to keep the dog from getting put down...
At the very least, look for solutions that don't involve abandoning the dog. Heck, people figure out things all of the time, and when you bring a dog into your life, that is a commitmnt too.
I resolved that no matter what happened in my case, I owed it to the dogs to make sure they always had a home, and I was taking care of them.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I am not at all surprised she's determined to put the dog down... it mirrors the marriage and this woman is in so much pain she's projecting it onto the home, QS, and the dog.... Her actions won't solve the problems, but she is projecting it quite clearly...
I don't believe in putting an animal down until it tells you to do so... and they WILL TELL you when they have had enough...
Sometimes letting go and turning things over to God (the Universe, or whatever you want to call it) is what you have to do whether you move on with or without your spouse.
Pray for Strenth--emotional, mental and spiritual--and clarity to help you always do the right thing, and accept responsibility for your own actions and choices.
Turn the rest over to God, and take some time to heal yourself and become stronger. Work on self-improvement. Do what is best for YOU.
You don't know what the future brings (as I can attest if you read the end of my personal thread). I don't want to give you false hope, but just know that once you let go and embrace your OWN life and the unknown future, anything is possible.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 07/20/1001:22 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Allan A and QuickSilver264, it sounds like the "putting down of the dog" is symbolic of her "cleaning" and "purging" herself of the reminders of the marriage and reminders of QuickSilver264.
I do like his idea of collecting the pics that they are in together and make sure they are displayed around the house.
Of course the pics should be "good" pics and bring back good memories.
QS you need to realize there are many people on this forum who are fighting for their marriages while living separately... There are arguments that this can HELP as well.
I completely understand that Allen. But once we sell the house, there is literally no reason to keep us in contact. Maybe to let our dogs play together, but if she moves 3 hours away then I will know she it totally and forever done.
She is so VERY intent on "moving on", which I heard her tell her mom means finding a guy "that makes her happy and laugh". She WANTS another relationship so she can "start the rest of her life".
Quote:
My time with my wife started with her dog greeting me so happily at her apartment door. My time with my wife dies with the dog on Friday.
This is the truest statement I have EVER made. We have a bunch of animals, and always referred to ourselves as a "pack of strays".
We ALWAYS said we all found each other EXACTLY when we needed to. And that is completely true. Our third month of marriage we had an STUPID, AWFUL fight at a out of town wedding (talking divorce already), and when we got back in town she went to our friends to get our dog. She came back with a little puppy who was abandoned on the side of the road. That dog spent 7 years with us and brought us so much joy. The next dog we got 2 years later and he just lit up the family. He needed us so badly, and we found ourselves needing him. Then 2 years later, she brought home a VERY sick kitten, and we both took care of her night and day.
Even the day we first met there was Fate involved. She went somewhere in the building where we at our first day, and later on I went looking for her but couldn't find her. I then left the building after giving up, and what do you know, THERE SHE WAS at the top of a stairway hill walking down toward me. Within 10 minutes she asked me out on our first date. We never parted afterward. I always said it was Destiny that brought us together.
So maybe you guys now understand why I hurt so much. I know you all tell me that I have to control my feelings, but it takes EVERYTHING I HAVE to do that when I am around her.
I am in the middle of grieving for my marriage and my dog right now, and my family is older and sick and can't seem to handle the stress and pain in my life.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 07/20/1009:54 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
I think I am going to have to discuss house sales tonight.
And I am thinking of letting her know I am DONE, and that I will sell the house because I NEED to move on and get away from her. NOT because SHE wants me too. Or I am thinking of writing her the Dobson letter.
I don't know. I want to hear your opinions.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
