I agree with K. Just had an hour of counseling yesterday where we talked about my FOO. Everyone on my mom's side is so passive/aggressive-victim mentality. Case in point: My aunt is caring for dying uncle. 8 yr old niece called her and said SHE (the kid) planned for herself and 2 other nieces to come spend the night Saturday, with aunt and uncle. [Their parents all like to go out and party so basically they just want the kids pawned off somewhere...sad family dynamics there.]
My mom called and told me this fuming that the cousins of mine would have the nerve to expect Aunt to watch kids while caring for Uncle. I said, "Did Aunt tell them it was a bad time?" Mom's answer, "She shouldn't have to, they should know that and not ask..." I said, "And Aunt should be a grown up and TELL them it doesn't work for her." Instead she chose to be a victim and complain to my mom about it.
Anyway it is all about patterns and not speaking up and 'suffering silently' instead of telling the other person directly what the problem is.
