irish..came looking for you. I haven't seen you on my thread for awhile and missed you.
I'm with you about the little things that hurt. tonight I told him how much I liked to sit on the deck with him and have a glass of wine, relax, listen to the neighborhood get ready for nightime. It's peaceful. Back in the day, H would have said.."I love being here with you too", with love in his voice, and a sparkle in his eyes..sometimes even tears in his eyes..because he was so emotional about how much he loved me. But instead there was this ugly silence. I felt so sad. It was just a little thing. I'm just missing the man I used to know.
And I know how much it must hurt to have your H go and do the things you two had planned to do together without you. I'm having some of those happen to me too. That's when I say..ok, I'll show you..I can do things that I have always wanted to do w/o you too. Maybe that's how it starts out and then you just do them because it feels good.
I don't know about you, but I keep wanting someone to just tell me what to do. I ask my C to tell me that all the time and he just laughs and tells me I have to figure it out for myself. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! It makes me want to scream. I say prayers at night for signs about what I'm supposed to do, and light candles for that..ask my friends..my family. But no one, not even God, will tell me what to do. And they shouldn't but it would feel so good to have a plan, a course to follow. i would not have made a good christopher columbus.
