She was here when I got home and I was calm, upbeat and joking with my S. Then we went to pick up my D from work (all 3 of us) and I sat in the back and she drove with my S up front.
When we got back I had to cook dinner for the kids and invited her to eat also. After dinner, I asked her to come outside to talk.
We went out and she said that she at least wants our friendship back. I told her that unless she completely cuts the OM out of her life (close Fb, change phone #, complete transparency for BOTH OF US, etc) that there would be nothing. I told her that I would remain civil and we would have to get along to deal with the kids, finances, etc.
She said she couldn't completely cut OM out since they were NOW just good friends. So I said, "Well, there's your answer. You care about his "friendship" more than our marriage".
I know I was supposed to just drop the boudary then exit, but it was really not possible at the time.
We agreed to stay civil and agreed to joint custody. I also told her that she needs to relook at her relationship with the kids. They have both come to me seperately recently saying that she ignores them and is way to argumentative. She took it pretty well, no defensiveness and said she would work on it.
I guess, as of this point in time, we are still status quo and she is still wanting to move on.
I am proud of myself for staying calm and basically upbeat. I really feel like I have dropped the rope now. I told her that the marriage was dead and I fully own up to my part in killing it (as did she) and that I was letting her go (yes, I know actions speak louder than words, but I really mean it).
I really thank everyone here that has chimed in in getting me to this peaceful place. I will be OK and the kids and I will survive all of this and come out the other side a little scratched and bruised, but stronger and closer for it.
I know this was NOT textbook DB, but I feel like it was the best approach for me.
Thanks!
Me-44 W-41 M-20yrs S13 D18 ILYBINILWY-June 2010 (On our Anniversary)
