I know I have to do what is best for the kids and I and I seriously don't know why this house thing is making me so nervous!
Now, I have to figure out how to respond to H IF he tries to convince me to stay in this house...haven't really thought about that...
WN...this-
"Dare you confront an unacceptable aspect of an important agreement and replace it with an arrangement based on true trust? And here's the big answer that goes with it."
WN...I have seen you write about the cainer horoscope... I am not sure that I am smart enough to figure it out!:) Could this be talking about the house issue or something else???
Thankyou SA! H says he will come after work in the a.m. so expect him around 9...tried to get him to meet me somewhere but he insisted on coming here...told the kids they will have to give us some privacy! Will let ya know how it goes!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Well, I survived the business meeting with my H. He was here about 45mins.
We talked about a visitation schedule with the kids and both agreed to be flexible...he said he will pick them up this Sat. am...said that they could come FRi night but he would be at work so I asked if OW would be home and he said she does work the OT also and then he said that he didn't know how she would feel having the kids if he wasn't there...I probably shouldn't have but said "they're your kids" and let it go.
I asked him to take over one of the credit cards. He asked how much it was a month and I told him...reluctantly agreed.
Mentioned that I was behind on the other one and could he help out with that one. Said that we have 3 pay days this month so that extra should help out...I never understand this 3 pay day thing...it has never been "free" money in my eyes...anyway, said ok, that will help with getting caught up. I let it go for now....kept saying how broke he is.
He brought up D12 getting braces and didn't know how we would pay for those. I just said that it wouldn't be fair to her to not get them because of our situation...he agreed.
Talked about car ins. We agreed to get separate policies! I just got off the phone with ins co. and it will be half the cost with me as the main driver on the truck!
We talked about our rental house and we agreed we should try and sell it. "I" am to call this guy that we know who owns and rents several houses to see if he would be interested in buying ours. Told him that he could borrow the truck to haul stuff outta there if needed.
H said that the kids told him that I was thinking of selling our house that we live in. I told him that it is a big house and lots to take care of and that if something major goes wrong, we'd be in trouble and that it would be nice to just rent something and have a landlord to take care of things if needed. He said that I could call him and that he would have some wood for us to burn this winter....mentioned that if he had a truck, he'd cut a lot more but he wasn't going to go out a buy a truck just for that...said that I should stay here until the market gets better and then sell if I wanted to. Asked him if he wanted it and he said he didn't know how this worked but he figured that he'd sign something and it'd be mine. Then he mentioned that he hadn't heard from his L for a couple of months and asked if I had taken the parenting class yet and I said no and he hasn't either...
I then asked him how he was doing (leaving that open for interpretation) and he said that his blood pressure has gone down...mentioned bike riding etc.
Sooo..I just decided to take a chance...I asked him if he was happy. He hesitated and then said that, why can I not remember his exact words, sometimes he is happy. He is not happy that he does not get to see the kids everyday..that there are some other things he is not happy about...I didn't ask anymore....
He gathered up his mail and I handed him the paper to get my name off the credit card acct. that he is taking over...I should have made him fill it out right there to make sure it gets mailed in...he seemed a little weird about it so let him take it with...I can always get another one!
I walked out with him and he looked at the flowers in the flower bed that he made for me last year and commented on how great they looked etc. Talked a little bit about that and then I mentined the hydrangrea bushes and how many blooms so we went to the other side of the house and looked at those and made a comment "see...you've got it looking so good now, you might as well stay here" the we talked about the neighbor offering to cut down a tree for us and take it away to his burn pile and H said that was fine but to keep the splittable stuff and he'd come and split it up...
I told him about my struggles with the weed eater and he said...you guys are doing good, the yard looks really good, you are doing fine. He had also mentioned that the kids and I should break out the camper so told him we had but that I struggled with it and he said I should call and he would help if we needed it. I told him that we had called him that day we were taking it out but he didn't answer. He said he doesn't always have his phone on him....
Sorry for the length!!!! Any comments?
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Called my L. Asked if it was truly possible that H has not heard from his L. She said that she had actually talked with his L when she had called on another matter. His L said that SHE has not heard from HIM.
Is it possible that he does not realize that his L will not do anything until he tells her what he wants???
Last edited by courageous wife; 07/19/1006:28 PM. Reason: forgot to add something
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Remember time is different for a MLCer. That said, it still sounds like he's in no rush to push the D through.
Not for false hope, but to me if he wouldn't tell you everything he wasn't happy about speaks volumes. Maybe his choices are starting to make him feel consequences.
Sure doesn't seem like he wants you to sell the house. Hopefully you can depend on him to supply the wood if you decide to stay there.
Also, I hope he helps take some of the financial burden off you. Let ow see what it costs when you leave an entire life and family behind. Of course she'd only looking at the financial end, the emotional cost is much higher.
CW, It is very possible that in his sick little mind, he thinks that everything is moving along. Unless the lawyer contacts him, he most likely won't until something rubs him the wrong way.
If you are not anxious to file or push the divorce through, sit back and wait a bit. I wouldn't say one word to him about it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
SA thankyou...I felt ok after the talk...I am not sure I can depend on him at all for the wood but I guess we will find out!
Snodderly, thankyou for posting on my thread! I am soooo NOT anxious to push the D thru so I will not say a word! When he mentioned that he hadn't heard from his L, I just said "hmmmmm..."
Mystik...thanks...glad it is done...for now!
I did leave a couple of things out of the talk this time...we can alwasy revisit it later! Don't want to overload the MLC mind!
Was going over everything again in my mind that he said...it is almost like he was looking around (at the yard etc) to convince himself that we are doing ok without him...idk...
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I totally agree with your last post CW and with SA! I was thinking "wait a minute...her H thinks she is doing fine! Like his A and his absence isn't negatively affecting her and the kids."
So I don't know what to think of that....
He sure didn't want you to move!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
If I remember right, aren't we supposed to show them that we are not falling apart and that life is going on with out us so I must be doing ok....that way, when he does bless us with his presence he is not always having to fix something for us or be bombarded with issues...
Don't want him to be afraid to come here!
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Agreed! My independence is one thing my husband was always proud of. Now, he takes every independant measure I do as a personal insult. The more I get along without him, the more he resents me.
