Question

[awest1217]

Not able to sleep recently. I have been trying to get back to sleeping early and getting up early, but although I get up earlier, still not able to sleep (mostly since the major hit from H). I don't know if it is just a lot of frustration built up or my body is just used to staying up late.

I do know I have a lot of emotions pent up. I just don't know how to get them out. It seems every time I am about to let them out, something happens and I am back with them stuck inside. I know that is not good, and really I need a really good cry, but I just can't. It is really weird.

Anyway otherwise I am doing great. S is back sleeping in my room since his weekend with H. I don't know if it is making sure i am there or if it is wanting to spend extra time with me. I spend so much time with him cuddling, playing, etc, but he still wants to sleep in my bed. I really have to get him broken of it, but once we get back to him sleeping in his bed, he goes with H and then the cycle starts back over. I know I should just make him sleep in his bed and cry for hours until he falls asleep, but I just don't have the heart to do that to him. Another change has happened and I want him to realize I will always be there. He mentioned something today about "mommy be here" but I don't remember everything.

Anyone with kids and suggestions I would love it. I know my sibs think I should make him sleep in his bed, but I just don't know.

This week hopefully beach tomorrow, work at the church on sunday school, maybe go to my work, and who knows what else will pop up like today I cut my brother's hair before he went out of town for business. Summer is winding down quickly.

I did text H about some stuff in the house to ask if he wanted it and if he had talked to his parents yet (so I can reorganize my house before school starts and not have to deal with it sometime where I am going to be stressed), but of course no reply. I was very nice, but it is stuff that I want to have taken care of so I can have my house back to normal...especially with my sister moving in. I just sometimes feel like H really doesn't want to D, but something either deep inside of himself (like guilt thinking we could never make it) or someone is making him do it, or he just doesn't want to deal with reality which could be completely possible as well. Who knows? I just want to move on and can't because he won't work with me. Once his stuff is gone I have no reason to really "bug" him. I also text him about S and how he actually ate a bunch today, but no response there either. I was hoping he would at least say good or something, but nothing which bugs me because as I said before I worry when S is with H because H won't talk to me at all the two weeks he doesn't see S so he knows nothing about him or what is going on, and I forget what all I should tell him when he picks up because S is ready to go. ARGH!

Now I really need to somehow get to sleep. Maybe I need to go back to taking showers after I put S to bed. maybe that will help me relax to sleep.