So the attorney called back and was, again, very helpful.
She said to simply write/type out all the things I expect the separation agreement to contain -which docs of hers you want to see -the conditions under which you will allow her personal debt to count as "marital' (e.g no flights or hotels for OM) -prepare the documents for the property exception -the "refund of the personal RSP I dumped in the account -the conditions of maintaining the household bills are paid -the liquidation of the W's vehicle -the uncontested personal vehicles of mine -the condition of custody -the conditions for splitting of household goods -the conditions and renewal date of spousal transfer pymts.
Get it all down and have a lawyer review it.
Tell W to put a list of three mediators together and supply a list of those you like.
Interview three. Pick one and set an appt. (L recommended one ofr two as somewhat "pro-man". At least fully neutral)
Get the easy stuff done first. Then hammer out the toughies.
Up here, you MUST get an attorney to sign of that you have been apprised of your rights regarding property as contained in the agreement. Then you both sign.
The Sep AGrrement can run forever. All it takes is one person to initiate divorce and the Sep Agreemnt is the ruling paper.
So I need a Sep Agreement pronto. Then I can work on W and the A (see exposure and continued pressure)
I feel I understand it better now and my next steps. I'd rather not but I might start my notes in spare moments on vacation and type it out when I get back.
L said the Sep Agreemnt IS my FIREWALL during the process. In fact, she said it is usaually THIS piece that causes most of the D "reconsideration"
Sounds like you got yourself a good L! I have the # of a very good one that I need to contact soon. I didn't previously since I really thought we were working on things. However, I need to bite the bullet and go see him now.
makes me mad that I'm going to be doing the work to make this happen (cause I'm NOT the one asking for divorce) but it will be worth the effort-
1-wake up call for W 2-time to choose cake or eating it 3-financial reality (short and long term) 4-accountability check 5-If this ain't dropping the rope, I don't know what is. 6-FIREWALL!! Protect what D and I have before she spends that on him, too.
"And, if you call now, we'll throw in some Blu-Blockers and an optional "bonk on the head for your W" so maybe she can smell the coffee"
"Hey, Jay, bring that box down here. So, W, do you want to keep the house on the golf course with your husband and daughter, or trade it away for the co-op housing with a momma's boy that Jay has in the box? 30 seconds....."
I always try to balance my "heavy" with "light" just to keep it "interesting"
I figure if I have access to the Bat Light, I owe something in return. Plus, it's gonna get hairy over the next couple weeks so I'm laughing cause I like it.
So I'm reading and relaxing and, right on cue at almost 9. I get the "D and I will not be home" But there's a twist....
"but would you have time in the next few days to talk?"
I waited and said 'How about Thursday at 5:30?"
She just sent "OK"
I sent "See you here then, Hug D for me"
She just sent "I will. I tell her every night 'Mommy loves you and daddy loves you very much'
I sent "Thanks, K"
SOMETHING HAD to have happened at work today.
OM was sending "partial truths" to his STBX- "I met up with K and her cousin to do some seadooing" "I've liked her for a month or so and just found out she likes me, too" "We have't done anything cause I'm shy"
Typical "slide into it" crap.
W, on the other hand, almost typed 'softly' so something is coming and it won't be good.
This will be the "partial admission"; the "soft dump"; the "guilt trip"; the "crying part"; the "but he makes me happy" garbage I have been dreading.
The final rejection. The kick in my "new" b@lls!
And just before vacation. Yay me!
Come on, everyone! Throw me a line!
Need to build my strength; confidence; and a plan.
Although, I'm surprised I have already begun having truth darts pop into my head. Puppy will be proud that all his "beatings" are getting through.
How about this?
"Maybe one day we can be friends" W- "But we are friends" or some variation "A friend wouldn't do what you did to me"
Working on more of a "stick to these points" list now.
e.g. Always acknowledge how she feels. validate them as real Be soft spoken and calm Move slowly and be relaxed. Agree that the situation is unworkable.
