The first thing that struck me is the involvement of MIL.
Holy Cow!!! That would be me first course of action. Stand up to her and bust her for interferring. Call her out, and tell her to stay out of your marriage.
Lay your boundries with your husband about her, then lay out the boundries with her. Your kids, your rules. Your house, your rules. Your marriage, your life. Your husband, your issues. Not hers.
Tell her that you will hold her responsible for the continued destruction of your marriage and the splitting up of your family due to her continued poisonous words to H about you. Tell her that her actions are her choices and if she chooses to continue this way then you have a choice to make too, not to expose your children to such meanness. She has a choice to make. Then walk away.
*My MIL smokes like a chimney. I have asthma. When my son was born we went to visit. We stayed with SIL. I told H if he wanted me and his children to visit is family, we would not stay in that smoke filled house. MIL threw a fit.. "how dare you tell me what to do in my house", "how dare my children think they're better than me".... whatever. I calmly told her that she was free to smoke in her house, no one was saying otherwise. But if she smoked, she had to know that I wouldn't stay there, and neither would my chidren. It wasn't about who was better it was about health. It was her choice, but that I also had a choice and that her guilt trips might work on her own chidren,but they wouldn't work on me.
She still smokes when we visit and we still stay elsewhere.
