So ok you db jedis how long does it take to REALLY stop giving a rip?
It took me about a month after she actually filed for D. I didn't find this site until after that happened. I was a heavily pursuing doormat for 5 months and I made all the classic mistakes. She told me that I was smothering her, yet I kept spooning, hugging, kissing, ILY's, all of it, because I couldn't help it. I said I really want to ML and got back, I'm sorry, I just don't feel the same. It was pathetic.
And then I find out she is having an EA/PA (Don't know the extent, but think just EA) with another man. That helped explain a lot. I busted her with phone records and texts and she said she wouldn't talk to him anymore, but that was just a lie. Kept on and on.
Finally she told me she was going to file. A couple days of misery followed, along with one last apology. When she put down the retainer with the attorney, it snapped me out of MY fog.
Separate bank accounts, credit cards, everything. No more mr doormat. I still cared, and still do a little bit, but the more I learn, the more pathetic and completely wrong I think she is. It is just after a month since she filed and I am no longer afraid of losing her. When this started in January, I was absolutely distraught at the thought. This was really only my first serious relationship with a woman. It is all I have known for my entire adult life.
Obviously, the timing will be different for different people, but you will get there eventually.
