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DanF Offline OP
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Thanks for the instant clarity Rob!

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Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Originally Posted By: DanF


So, for some unbeknownst reason, D asks W if she is coming on vacation with us. W says she doesn’t know and to ask her Dad. So tonight, D asks me if W is coming along. I tell D to tell mom to ask me herself and not ask through the kids.



You mean, like YOU just did there? smirk


Puppy
This was not a mistake, just a learning experience. Next time it happens, know how to respond:

some options:
"I am not sure."
"She hasn't told me if she is going or not"
"I don't think she has decided"
"I have not decided"
"That is up to her"
"She has been invited, but I have not got her answer"
"That's a good question. I'll go talk to her and find out."
"


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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DanF Offline OP
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Thanks R2C. I would guess that you would agree with everyone else that this trip should be done without W, right.

I just have to work-up the courage, but based on D's comments, it sounds like she may be expecting it. She knows I know more about the EA/PA and that she has continued to lie to me.

Everyone is right. I need to let her sit at home by herself and regret what she has done.

I can do this!

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I think I'm addicted to it too. It's worse than watching game tracker during football season. And it IS hard to keep it all straight. Forget about me just keep going. I'm seriously pulling for you man.

Cheers.


ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE.
-Tom Highway


Me: 43
W: 40
S12 & S9
Married 17yrs
Together 20yrs
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"W, I have decided that it is important for us to directly communicate. I hear you have questions about the vacation." Then listen.....


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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DanF Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Ready2Change
"W, I have decided that it is important for us to directly communicate. I hear you have questions about the vacation." Then listen.....


Ok, but do I go in expecting to tell her to stay home?

What could she say that should make me consider taking her along?

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DanF Offline OP
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I can't forget about you man. We all need support. I skimmed through some of your stuff. Some of it is very LONG, but I posted some thoughts.

Good luck!

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I would just practice:

Practice Listening (post everything he
re)

Practice delaying your response. If she has questions:
"I will need time to think about that"

practice validation. refect back.

W "I think XYZ bla bla bla"
H "Yes, I can see why you would think XYZ bla bla bla"


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Dan,

Are you part of the facebook DB group?


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
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No. Should I be?

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