After Exposure - Keep It Going

[Quicksilver264]

We don't have a home phone anymore Allen. We canceled it to save money.

I have to reinforce my suit of armor in the next hour or so. And learn how to dodge bullets. Last FC session was horrible in terms of emotional tolls.

I know what I want to say, and THANK YOU ALLEN for the material. I am positive it is going to make her royally mad.

If the kids thing comes up, I am going to tell the FT (not my wife) EXACTLY when I realized I wanted kids. I'll never forget it.

Before work today, I gathered all the pictures from earlier in our relationship that I hadn't scanned. I made the mistake before with my college sweetheart NOT doing that, and I have very little photographic record of my college years. I just realized that the woman in those pictures is NOT who is in front of me. All that love in her eyes is gone, and isn't for me anymore. I had the chance EVERY DAY in between those pictures to avoid this, yet I didn't.

So, I am walking in there today like "I am already dead". Therefore I am going to write my Eulogy I guess (thanks Puppy)

I squandered an amazing marriage at the beginning. My view of marriage was so skewed because of the way I saw my parents interact, that until now I don't think I ever knew how to truly love. Only when faced with losing EVERYTHING I held dear, did I look inward and see who I really was. I couldn't stand that person, so I made a promise to God to really, really change.

All the times she tried and failed just made her hopeless, that by the time I was ready to REALLY try, she was gone. There were literally hundreds of days that I could have done what I am doing now, but I simply chose not to. And now I must live with the death of my marriage.

I'd give ANYTHING to just have one day back in February all over again, when I sealed my fate now. But this is where I am, and I have lost my wife, my house, my dogs, and my future children with the only woman I ever really wanted to marry.

Quicksilver: 2003 - May 2010...