No, I realize that now after nine years. She will not quit, told me the other day she is not quiting. Has been doing her pills latly and flip flops around so much that I'm almost too crazy to think anymore. Anything she says could be a lie. You can not trust one thing she says or does. It is awful to try to be with someone like this. They tell you they love you and then change their mind the next day. They make love to you and then hate you the next day. It is crazy. It is so unbelievable. Her parents have kicked her out of the house, her brothers have also. She really has just a few places left to go. I imagine only the good times instead of the bad. I don't want to think about any of it. I just want to be me again. Why cant I do this. Why must I wallow every night thinking about this and have it pop into my head all through the day. I hate her then I love her, I feel sorry for her and then I want her to have pain. It is a sucky place that I am in. I want to let go. I will not talk to her or read an email from her. I can't do this to myself again. It has been a yoyo for years. I just believed it would get better. I should be over this by now or atleast not this bad.
