Sounds like he took S to sway him to his side. This is really wrong. The child should be in the middle as little as possible. You can't change what H does, but try your hardest not to stoop to his level and retaliate by overinvolving your S. You be the best mom you can be by protecting him as much as possible.
As for me, DB has meant going as dark as possible - for me. Focussing on my inner peace and working on myself. If that has the consequence of waking up H, great. But I'm not counting on it. I suggest you just use the board and the philosophy to take care of yourself now - be the best person you can be, make your life as happy and serene as possible.
We need to work on protecting ourselvs and our sons from our Hs' craziness. I know it sounds like a lot of work, but it's work we can do for ourselves, not our Ms. That is a big road and the most important thing to gain from this experience.
You and I are in a special situation with verbally abusive husbands so DB may not work "on them" but has some gems on self recovery.
I also recommend going to Dr. Irene's Verbal Abuse Site and joining their support forum. I've read about a lot of situations on there that are familiar and it's a good feeling to see similar patterns in other Rs so that I can see what is going on in mine with a more detached eye. I also see what works and doesn't work with others and that helps me be strong.
Frankly, most abusers see no reason to change since the problems are "out there" - or with us! - so frankly I have stopped all DB efforts at my H. Get as much support as you can and believe this is as bad as it feels and you can move on to something better - a life full of love, respect and happiness - whether alone or with another.
