(I've also been researching jobs. Kids are old enough to take care of themselves.) We also have one heading off to college... huge expenses.
well maybe the one going to college will have to work as well to help pay the expense, it's not unheard, lots of kids do this, also find out what you can cut back on, people today tend to be living with excess, there is a lot to be said of people who live within their means, I would venture a guess that most people live beyond their means and have to deal with crazy debt issues - not fun.
Rob - He complained about several things that I have already 180'd on: house work, finances, my being depressed acting... I don't see any time at all for a PA but definitely could be EA.
Let's see, he complained about all of those things yet doing all of those things didn't make him any happier with you or the relationship so it's quite possible that those were just excuses or smaller pieces of a bigger puzzle.
Him mentioning "dating" is what tips me off to his intentions.
I always say women test men (subconsciously), why not consciously throw a curve ball in his direction.
Ask him a question, "you wouldn't mind if I started dating other men?" and then when he answers "No I don't mind", smile at him, tell him "OK" and then walk away.
Then this is your plan.
1. You get a job, gets you out of the house regularly for several hours everyday. 2. You start dressing differently, working out, paying attention to your appearance, looking better, happier, feeling great, 3. Go out regularly with your girlfriends and maybe the occasional "male" friend.
Give him what he says he wants, let's see what happens.
I do have a part-time job lined up, I believe, that starts next month. That won't be much though. I feel legally, he will have to provide enough that I might still be able to go to school, but I'm not sure.
Maybe I should get my ducks in a row before having this kind of conversation with him. ???
D going to college is looking to get a job as well. We don't have a lot of credit card debt but I know a D will cost us plenty... BUT, I know I cannot live like this waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sandi or Pearl - or MIL - someone said how much is it worth? Well, for me - it's worth everything to not live like this. I'm scared for my kids. They will be devastated. They already were when this first started but now think "everything's OK because Dad's still around." He went to counseling 1 time. 1 time! That was it.
I have been working out - and dressing better, etc... Not where I want to be exactly yet but I have taken some of those steps. Just started school last week, so that's new as well.
To back up - when he mentioned dating he specified he and I dating, not dating other people. Of course, I threw in my response that I would not date him if he was seeking out inappropriate relationships...
Ask him a question, "you wouldn't mind if I started dating other men?" and then when he answers "No I don't mind", smile at him, tell him "OK" and then walk away. Then this is your plan.
1. You get a job, gets you out of the house regularly for several hours everyday. 2. You start dressing differently, working out, paying attention to your appearance, looking better, happier, feeling great, 3. Go out regularly with your girlfriends and maybe the occasional "male" friend. Give him what he says he wants, let's see what happens.
Golden!! Great plan!! I give it a couple months before he is crawling back. If u stick to your guns that is.
I told him last night I wasn't worried about being alone or finding someone else... He seems to think I am concerned about no one wanting me. Ummm... I may be in my 40's but I'm not ugly or a hag! A lot of people actually seem to enjoy my company!
However, I will say this: I'm not sure I can ask about dating. H knows my religious views and that I'm a very moral person. Of course, that could be a 180. lol.
