Let go what you can (the hair would piss me off too, but may not be worth even bringing up). The money stuff is ridiculous. I'm shocked she can even ask you for that after all the support $ she's getting. I'd be tempted to say- offhandedly, without anger- please take it out of this month's support check, thanks.
One book I have makes a good point over and over- that when you're about to or in the midst of fighting over some possession or "small" issue, to ask yourself "will this matter to me in 5 years?". I know right now things are still just settling for you, so there will probably be lots of these smaller things right now, but I'm trying to tell myself that, too. It helps me let go of some stuff that will only end up angering me, which hurts me, not H, and focus on what really matters. It's hard, but it's getting easier and every time I'm able to do it, I think "I'm the one who's coming out on top here- if I can learn to let stuff slide off my back (and you know you and I are similar personalities in a lot of ways), it will help me move on and be happy". Remaining "engaged" to anything, whether that's verbally, emotionally, about a possession, or whatever = remaining attached.
I just boggle at the stuff about "that's what I get for getting one on CL". As you know, my H says that stuff too and I'm tempted to say "wtf makes you think I care? You wouldn't have to deal with this if you hadn't demanded a D- so live with the consequences and go whine to someone else." I guess something we do or have done in the past makes them think we care (I know that's true in my case), and so we're still convenient complaint audiences. For those, I wouldn't even respond. And, I know you're mad about the ipod, but if she wants to be nitpicky about it being hers, let her have it- ask yourself: why would I want something of hers anyway- it will just remind me of her when I need to detach. You've got - and will always have- plenty of reminders without having tangible possessions surrounding you.
