What do you consider "contact"?

[EJohn]

Thanks guys. I did let her back way too soon, without spelling out the boundaries and enforcing them. And we are one of those couples that will have to relocate, especially for me. It's not a matter of if we move, but when.

The reason I want to ask her what she thinks no contact means, is to get her into a civil conversation. Right now she gets very defensive and clams up. If I mention the word boundary, she gets very snippy and disrespectful. I know my wife. If she feels I'm controlling her, or doesn't feel safe, she clams up. Her opinion or definition of contact has no influence on mine. The boundaries I want and need are for my safety, and my children's. They are my boundaries.

When she gets defensive, the red flags go up immediately. She's trying to hang on to something she shouldn't, or is hiding something.

The lack of boundaries played a very detrimental role in my behavior, and I have reacted poorly, very poorly at times, so she has to feel safe in order to talk about it. If we can't have a discussion about it, then what's the point? If she can't respect me to have a civil conversation about this very serious topic, then I'm wasting my time. Does that make sense? I've been awake way too long because of work and other commitments, so I may be talking out of my arse!