I hear ya on that. Backslid too many times. She actually posted pics on fb today of the kids at the OM's family pond. I am not happy about it. But, today is my birthday, so I want it to be low stress. I'll talk to her tomorrow about it. Gonna sit her down and ask her what she thinks contact is, then explain to her what it really is.
WRONG APPROACH.
1. ASKING her. Why? Does her definition change YOUR mind? She's fogged out right now anyway.
2. EXPLAIN TO HER WHAT IT REALLY IS. "You can't teach an infidel."
No, a BOUNDARY OF PERSONAL INTEGRITY is the only thing that matters here. Not HER definition, and not some BOOK's definition. But what YOU are willing to abide, and what you're not.
Again, from my personal archives:
To me, that's the beauty of boundaries, or -- as I like to call them -- "My Boundaries of Personal Integrity." Only YOU know what they are, but they should be a very short list; your "dealbreakers," as it were . . . those things that you, as a person with your values, morals and ethics, simply CANNOT ABIDE.
And this is how it works, in practical application: If you decide that "I will not live in an open marriage," and you state that as a boundary to a cheating spouse, and if that drives them away from you, and toward the other person? Well, then that's THEIR CHOICE, and them cheating -- and staying with me -- wasn't an option for me anyway, based on my own authenticity and values, so what have I lost?
All I've lost in that instance is something that I could not have abided anyway.
"You must choose between her or me" is an ULTIMATUM. It's about THEM.
Boundaries should be about YOU -- "I will not live in an open marriage." It's then up to the other person to decide what to DO with that information you've now shared with them, so seriously.
