I do try to stay focused on the positive, but I often find that I am banging my head against a wall and feel like I am in a perpetual nightmare. Even when I am playing with my kids and laughing with them I think how much better it all would be if my W and I were as fun-loving and playful with each other.
Joy needs to be shared with someone. I can have all the fun in the world with my kids, but it's not the same without my W. There is that truth: nobody will ever love your kids the way you and your spouse do. Nobody. And it's so true, it's what makes us look at each other and smile. It's what bonds us together. But it's not the whole equation. That bond I have with my kids is formed by unconditional love. At times like this, I don't know what the bond with my W is based on. It's seems phoney to deny the fact that our kids represent our love and devotion to each other.
There was an interesting piece on NBC this weekend regarding menopause. The segment on how it affects relationships sounded SO familiar with my sitch. The fact that H feel like aliens have invaded their spouses bodies. My W is 42 and went through 6 IVF cycles. How do I know that she is not also experiencing early menopause? Or symptoms? I just refuse to believe that this is 100% all about me.
