STBXW dropped girls off at 7:45 a.m. They are here a week and are playing the Wii right now before we go to my softball game.
They immediately started filling me in on their past week with STBXW. The big thing being there is someone interested in looking at the house.
D11 looked down about it. D7 looked happy. D11 is like me on the house, she doesn't want to sell it but the faster it sells the faster I can buy a house.
Of course, I won't have a down payment for a year so I'd really like to see STBXW suffer in the house for a while. Is that bad?
It's the only house the girls have ever known. It's going to be tough watching them deal with leaving it.
D7 has bought into the fact she'll just go from a big house to a smaller one and a new room. That's down the road. Someone on here once said I'll have truly detached when I want STBXW to thrive. I'm a long way from that.
STBXW and I did not meet eyes. She knows I don't want to see her and she seems uncomfortable here. I keep trying to climb into her head to speculate what she's thinking and then tell myself to stop. It does me no good.
I looked up the Serenity Prayer this morning and am going to try to memorize all of it.
The root cause of my feelings on the house are this. If it sits on the market, not selling, then deep down in my heart I have this .00001 percent hope she'll change her mind and want to work on things.
Realistically, if this house doesn't sell she'll blame her unhappiness on that. Like she blamed her unhappiness on me being there controlling her. The only way she'll realize the life she had was pretty good is after the D is done, the house is sold and the IRS bill is taken care of. That could be another two years.
But that again is me not letting go.
The root cause of my troubles yesterday was feeling back to square 1 on finding a replacement for STBXW.
I know that's wrong. I know I have to break the codependency cycle. That's going to take a long time and this weekend was tough. Friday night was great and slow dancing with a pretty woman reminded me what I'm missing. Then Saturday was a good day but 31 and 35 didn't show for the singles group -- and I was looking forward to seeing them -- and 37, who I slow danced with Friday, was caught up in her own drama and didn't spend a lot of time with me. It just felt like a lost night.
Girls are getting along really well so far. I stayed up too late last night. Time to go play softball.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
