it depends. i feel confident about myself. i'm too busy focusing on me that i don't really put too much thought into whether it is working or not.
when i chose things to do for GAL, i picked: - squash. it got my adrenaline going. exercise was key to lifting my spirits. my goal was to become a better player. i want someone to say "she's a good player". - baking. i love to cook but baking was something i shied away from. my h would often make me feel stupid when we baked anything. and i was always the helper. so i took a baking class and i learned how to decorate cakes. the instructor said i have good skills. - when i'm not playing squash, i find different ways to work my muscles. i did a stairs workout last week, this week, i hit the gym. - i am registering for a leadership course in the fall. it's 11 weeks long. this would be for professional development.
as you can see, these things are for me. they aren't for anybody else. and i don't think about whether my h sees me doing these things or not.
i understand that db-ing is about saving yourself. but i'm more of doing things for myself in case the d goes through. i have to look after me. so anything to make me a better/interesting person, or anything that will increase my income, is what i chose to do for my GAL.
is that a bad approach to GAL?
my GAL activities have had some positive side effects. i've become a very popular girl. at squash, i have made a lot of new male friends. majority of the time, i play with the guys. the guys do drills with me. so it's been interesting. and yes, h is a member of the same club. at work, i share my baking with my co-workers so i'm popular that way too.
so even though all these things have done wonders for my confidence. it won't lessen the sting when the papers are served.
has any of this improved my communication or interaction with my h? not really. we're physically separated so there is no interaction, no texting, no calling, no emailing, no IM (i don't log on to my IMs anymore). we both stopped wearing our rings.
when i started at the squash club, my h would pack up and leave as soon as i arrived. now he doesn't. he doesn't avoid playing with me. he doesn't avoid talking to me. some of my friends don't understand why i would talk to him. he's been ruthless in the settlement so far. it is very strange. it's like why would you continue to talk to someone who treats you like crap? to be honest, i don't know how i should act. initially, i ignored him. and that didn't working out so well. it made my friends feel awkward - they knew us when were still m. so i decided to just keep things casual. i don't want to make people uncomfortable around us. nobody wants to get dragged into our business. and this isn't high school.
he didn't attend squash all of last week. which was odd of him. he had put on weight and if i know him, he's obsessed with keeping in shape. i'd come home from squash and he'd be at home.
when i freaked out about the mini-bomb this week, i realize why he avoided squash. my l launched a grenade in his direction - he's being asked to confront his fears. i have called one of his accounts into question. and requested for documentation. he is going to have to jump through hoops to get documentation. so he's furious that i've called him on it. he was hoping i wouldn't but my l picked it up in his financial statement.
my guess is that he thinks i'm being vindictive, petty, whatever about it. not letting him have his way, etc. so he's mad at me for it.
it feels like when you've made small steps towards civility, you get one blow and you're not at square one but beyond square one. i think that's my frustration.
