The saga continues

[OfficerInNeed]

You want parenting classes? And she hasn't gone far enough in getting them? It's up to her? Why? Are you part of this relationship, or do you just observe and report to us here? You want to heal the relationship, then find MC or a Retrouvaille weekend and tell her, "We need to do this. Let's sign up." You want parenting class, then find it and sign up. You've been told to lead, but all you do is observe and complain.

I did not say it was up to her. I researched classes/courses in our area and nothing is available to us. There are courses more intended for expectant mothers but not couples.

Retrouvaille weekend is available in our area the weekend of 09/10/10. When I first researched this and told W about it and she told me to send the link to her email and she would read it later, which I did. I am not sure if she ever read it or not but she certainly had not brought it back up. After reading your post I said to W "I'm going to sign us up for the Retrouvaille weekend, it sounds like it will benefit our relationship." W replied "It is on the weekend and I cannot take time off of work." What more can I say?

I did not think by me posting on this forum in attempts to seek advice and vent was considered complaining. If that is the case, I rather complain here than to my W.

No. I just don't believe it I guess. I use to see it in her eyes when she said it in the past. This was a very withdrawn ILY during an intimate moment...

I can see why she has told you that nothing she ever did was ever good enough.(she seems to have been correct about that assessment) Now she isn't reconciling with you or making love with you correctly. Now that isn't good enough. She isn't saying it in the right way for you. When she WAS saying it with meaning, then THAT wasn't good enough for you and you beat her down emotionally until she DID stop meaning it and even stopped saying it. Now of course she isn't reconciling int the correct way for you. (when in FACT she is moving foward wonderfully)

I can sure see why she feels the way she has begun to feel.
Some people really are impossible to please. I have a suspicion you ARE one of those people. It is next to impossible for someon like her to make you happy. You will do whatever it takes to bring her down to your unhappiness level.
Before you did it in a different way than you are now. Now you have found a new way. You have tried to convince her you have changed, but deep inside you are still unhappy with her and with yourself and refuse to be a happy man. Total refusal. Now you are only using a different approach disguised under Divorce Busting mixed in a little.

You weren't happy before she wanted out, you weren't happy when she told you she was done, you aren't happy now..

The common demonimator here is you and unhappiness.
This is really more about YOU than about her. I will say it one more time and hopefully the light bulb will go off in your head..

LEARN TO BE A HAPPY MAN.. Don't gloss over that.. Do it.

I agree,
OIN I think you might have some extremely high expectations,
considering you are right at the beginning of the reconciliation, that's a recipe for disaster. In fact high expectations are a recipe for disaster at any time during a relationship, it's just a lot of pressure to deal with.

You were ready to accept that this relationship was over and live without her, now that you guys are reconciling you have to just accept her the way she is right now: she is damaged, broken, guarded, defensive, insecure, afraid that you guys will repeat all the same mistakes and end up exactly where you guys were.

Or you can just be happy because happiness is a DIY type job, only you can take care of your personal happiness, let go of the expectations, just let her be.

She may surprise you over time when she gets more comfortable around you and doesn't have to stand on top of a ladder meeting those high expectations you indirectly place on her and the relationship. When she gets more comfortable and relaxed around you, you may well see that "i love you's" come in a way that you want to hear them and all those other things you probably can't do right now.

just my 0.02 cents.

I will provide an update of the past couple of days. I continue to re-read the two above quotes....