She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

What robx said.

tbart, I know it sounds very counter-intuitive. But look at the track record:

Every time you pulled away she chased. Whenever she started to come back, you started to act like a kid who was getting what he wanted, some reason came up in you that it wasn't going fast enough, far enough, etc...(pursuing behavior), you guys got into a fight, she ran straight to D talk.

She says lets get back together, you say, ok. Then you, not intentionally or blatantly, start to do the 'happy dance' inside yourself. You change from the tbart moving away and moving forward, to the tbart who desperately wants to keep his family and R together. Then she waffles.

Look, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Take stock of where you REALLY ARE RIGHT NOW. Where are you internally? Where are your emotions? Where on the scale is your desire to be with this woman? Be brutally honest. Lay your insides right in front of yourself.

No one here is saying don't take an opportunity to fix your marriage. We're saying don't jump every time she shows signs of going that way. Next time take a more laid back approach.

If you read the words robx has written as a 'script' you'll see there is no rejection of getting back together. I think you'll also see it's really where you are at inside yourself. You have doubts, and every time she pulls some crap or waffles back and forth about working on the M, your doubt grows.

It's the only way to get her to pursue you and for you to take back control of the situation.

I saw it perfectly written at this place:

The person who cares least about the relationship controls the relationship.

And also:

How can a person chase something that isn't moving away?

Digest this page of posts. Really take a good hard look at it. I can tell you are confused by the last question you posted. This method isn't an extreme, it's not even close to one.