The former spouse made $350K. I was a stay at home mom.
His choice of lawyers depleted all our savings, stocks and bonds leaving both of us with debt. Somehow I financed at least $40,000 of his sizable legal fees which placed me in a very tenuous position.
I have the house, a steadily depreciating asset which in spite of competitive pricing has not sold. This is my chunk of the settlement.
He does not give a cent to the two older boys, which includes not contributing a dime to any aspect of their college education or any associated costs. He pays the court prescribed amount of support for our minor daughter but not one penny over.. nothing for her extracurricular activities, voice lessons. Period.
I live in one of the most expensive counties in the country and made a vow that I would not uproot my children. That with their father's abandonment (and even without that) that where ever I am is home. That I am their Mom and I'm not going anywhere.
My daughter was 13 when he left, one of the most dangerous developmental ages with a divorce and a father's abandonment. Drugs, drinking, promiscuous behavior.. you name, it kicks in with the situation she was in. I focused on her passions. She loves theater. She knows that her voice lessons are as important as the mortgage.
My goal for the kids was for them to feel safe and secure. Although my financial future was rocky, I wanted them to have a firm foundation, to know that they are loved, respected and accepted. That I am and will always be their mom.. that although the family shattered, that the love I have always remains.
When the house sells, I'll move to a condo that's 30 years old in the same area of town. It will be small, out dated, hopefully have three bedrooms. The Lexus is gone. The affluent lifestyle a thing of the past. But.. stuff is stuff.
And nothing can replace a caring, nurturing parent. And you are such a father.
So.. your divorcing spouse has been terrified of you getting alimony, even though it's standard in your situation. She skirts around your potential earnings.. which ends up being a fantasy number in today's economy.
The dynamics I've observed with your situation is that she manipulates you in whatever form she desires.
Screw her.. just screw her (not in the Schmuckatellis manner). It's not about her. It's about what your children, Themselves, will lose without YOU.
Divorce is exhausting. It's financially and emotionally devastating. Your lifestyle will be altered dramatically. But in the end, the most important aspect is intangible. Is being a father, THE father to your beautiful, joyful, beaming children.
Kick ass... and assure their future foundation is based on love, trust, being the example of a strong and noble man for your son and showing your daughter what to expect with love and relationships, how to be treated by a man.
And then.. just then.. your children will be able to grow and develop healthy relationships now and in the future based on the father who is always there.
