How much longer in Separated?

[jon2911]

Thanks Michelle! Always good to have outside perspective.

Lots of good talks with W this weekend. I'm meeting with my boss next week, long overdue, to ask for a promotion to the Web team. I came on as half tech support, half web design, and the support side has been so crazy it's been extremely hard to learn the Web side. I originally asked him for 2 months to prove my skills there, and 6 months in I'm just getting there. Also, there's tons of tension with the other guys on the team, especially my buddy who got me the job, every time I try and work on Web stuff. Instead of taking calls. The owner isn't around much, and I've had to realize that carrying through what we agreed to is more important, even if I have constantly angry co-workers. I also struggle with acting like I'm above them, which is true as the Web skills got me an immediate higher salary, but I'm still part of the team. I hate getting yelled at by customers all day, and co-workers are even worse. It's been a learning experience,

Long story short, I finally got a full web site to build just as we were leaving Friday. After working Friday night, 8-5 Saturday, and most of the day today, I feel ready. Also caught up on job #2, and went to play disc golf and grab a beer with my co-worker friend, He did get me the job after all, even if the extremely high pressure has made it apparent how different we are,

W has been very encouraging and great to talk to through all of this. I'm learning to take some of her advice and ignore that she sounds just like FIL while giving it. As much as it bugs me, she and her family know a lot about this stuff.

An interesting story that hit me this morning: W mentioned that while we were out grocery shopping I picked up ice cream before completely done shopping, so it was "melty" when we got home. She said she was going to say something, but figured that I was a big boy who could make my own decisions. I chided her a bit, said "oh, so you didn't say anything but you're bringing it up now?"

She said "no, two years ago I would have just said it. So I think that's progress."

The more I think about it, she's right. It's definitely a coping mechanism and built in from her childhood that W is extremely black and white. There's a right way of doing everything, and the goal in life is to get it perfect. Whatever FIL would agree with is the measure of that of course.

This all drove me crazy during our marriage, and I reacted to this advice instead of being open to it. In this small example, I told her it crossed my mind about the ice cream, but we were almost done and I didn't think it would matter. In the end, she was right as usual. But we're learning that we can be our own people and make our own decisions without trying to control each other any more. And our relationship is so much better because of it.