Lin - Thanks for that - this has been a terribly rough weekend. I know that I am blessed to have my dad and sister here - but their presence has also allowed me to breakdown a little more frequently than I have been able to - that's good and bad.
H and I engaged in a tense exchange regarding S. I said to H that whoever he is talking to or is talking to him is certainly not those who have cared/loved/supported him all these years - not just me, but his family etc. His new "friends" are completely detached from his "real" life. I also reminded him about the kids he had counseled whose parents had gotten divorced and how he felt for them. I told him his kids were not immune to those same issues.
Nothing reaches him - he is COMPLETELY detached. Middle D talked with him for a while - she is VERY angry with him. He said he loved me, but wasn't "in" love with me any more. When she told me - she said it sounded like what she had gone through with a recent relationship. I said there's a difference between a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and a marriage. You can't expect to be "in" love all the time in a marriage - you have to work at it. I don't want my kids to misunderstand the good work in marriage.
I just don't want ANY interaction with him for a long time. I need space from him in order to detach. I need to ACCEPT the fact that he's not coming back - and that by accepting that - does not mean that I am not standing for my marriage. It is just taking care of myself and my family.
I need a good week at work - and a good week of self care.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
