Again, congrats on a great party. Having the upper hand is such a delightful place to be, isn't it? You did the adult, responsible thing, and he slipped away into the night.
I'm still having dreams at night about my husband, so real I wake myself up talking in my sleep, and I've never done that. Last night I woke myself up - no jokes out there - kissing the pillow. The dreams are not erotic by any means, more mundane. I had a busy day Friday & Saturday, wasn't depressed about my sitch, or even gave it much thought more than the emails we exchanged. I've been sleeping without meds and want to keep it that way.
I feel he is keeping something from me, but his anger at me is still foremost in his mind. I know I don't need to worry about his troubles. As daughter #2 says, He dug his own grave, he can dig his own way out.
Thanks again, Punkin! I can't say it didn't hurt to watch him ride away yesterday, but that is the choice he made over 9 months ago.
Your dreams don't surprise me. They are the way your subconscious is trying to deal with the fragments of your life. Detaching is a great tool during the day, but since we can't do that on purpose when we sleep, our dreams are free to act out in any way.
You are doing a great job at GALing and taking care of business. I know you've had lots of practice, but this time your H is mentally deployed and it is a different beast altogether.
Do you have any idea as to what he may be holding back? I find that my gut instincts are stronger now than they used to be. How about you?
I'm afraid my gut instints are more wishful thinking. I was thinking, maybe there is trouble in paradise, but more likely it is because he is trying to sell it or, at best, my letters to the Army Inspector General have generated enough flack that he has been told to move out from living with her. As for money being tight, I can only hope that they canned her. ( Evil thoughts to spread on a Sunday, I know) I know from the Emails exchanged Friday that he still is seeking Divorce, and is angry with me that I am stalling him.
I'm leaning on throwing in the towel, but with reservations. I still love him, but, as I said earlier on, I don't want to be the old lady in the resthome whose old man is exposing himself in the cafeteria. This IS twice now. There is no reason to believe that sorrow and remorse on his part is genuine or long lasting. It's all about his ego. I've concentrated more on covering my own a@@ financially.
There is still some part of me that wants him back. The part that truly believed we were always meant to be together. I was ready and willing to grow old with him, despite any infirmities his injuries might result in. He, on the other hand, was more interested in having his ego, amount other things, stroked.
Did I answer the question, or did I just muddy the waters??
Dear Lord, last night was a fright fest of huge proportions. I felt like I was the star of the worst horrer flick ever. And during the entire time, I kept looking for my husband. To save me. If that's my subconscious talking to me, I wish it would go on hiatus.
I've been doing good, feeling detached from WH and secure in both my job and my friendships. Had some trouble last week with bank accounts, but nothing major and got it straightened out.
With my job, I had to quit going to IC, so guys, you are my counselors. What's up with the dreams at night? I know, SA is right in that we are unable to detach in our sleep, but these dreams are getting worse and worse.
My best guess? I'm truly moving away from him and on some level that scares the hell out of me.
I may have mentioned that a couple of weeks ago, my H calls out of the blue and asks me if I want his GI College Benefit Money, which can be transfered to a spouse now. I of course thought, what do you really want. Long story short, it was just a bribe to get me to settle quickly. I was nice, pleasant, told him that at 51 I was a bit old to start a new career, plus I had to support myself. He then went into his rant, canjole, whine about me holding out while he had to make the house payment.
Having mentioned this to our daughter, who has tried several times going to college, but has always had to leave due to pregnancy, Diabetic child, Asthmatic child, husband nearly died in head injury, etc, she has 2 years left. She called her Dad to see if he would be willing to transfer the credits to her. He at first sounded as if he would, knew just how much it amounted to, etc. Said he'd check into it first thing this morning. One hour later, he texted her that, Umm, my lawyer says I shouldn't be giving anything over until your mother reaches a settlement with me. I tried to settle this nicely, but no, your Mom has to involve the lawyers.
This child has always been the closest to him. Has done her best to stay out of the middle and give him a fair chance. He basically just told her to GTH in so many words. He didn't call his lawyer at 9:00 at night. He asked his whore if he could and she said no. He's acting as if it's a bargaining chip with me.
I can take what he dishes out to me. The real pain is the pain I see in his children's eyes. I've read many times on here of the heartless basta$ds that use their kids. Now I know.
