There was just one with me in it. We had gone out to see SS after he got back from Iraq. There was another one up there of me at one time that I took down after the bomb.
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
When I packed up his stuff, as he wouldn't, I burned the letters he had sent me from Iraq and the cards, not completely to ashes, but just so he could tell what they had been. I put them in an envelope and put them in with his clothes. To tell you the truth, I really regret doing that now. It was just after OW outed him to me on Facebook and I was very, very angry.
I have thrown some things out but not ready to throw all of the things out...in one way, we are holding on to stuff that was from our old H's, the ones that we fell in love with...they are no longer here...
I had some post its from in the beginning after we had started staying at each other's over night...some would say something like "good mornin' darlin'" or "wild woman"...I won't say all of them and I have hung on to those for years...one time, I said to H "remember these? back when you loved me?" and laughed...this was BEFORE I his knew about his MLC and OW...he just kinda shrugged...geez, you'd think I'd have gotten a clue after that. I WANTED him to say those things to me again but I wasn't doing anything to change myself...in my mind, he was the one that changed when in fact, it was both of us! I just didn't see that!
I know now, I have not been that woman he wrote those notes to for years...kids, life etc...so we both had changed. I did throw those away awhile ago. When/if H comes back, we will both be different people again and hopefully there will be new notes!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
"There WILL be new notes in your future. And you need to look forward to them. The only question is who will send them. And the mystery is kinda fun, isn't it"
And you have changed. We all do. And you were happiest when you were the woman he wrote to. SHE is your target. She is why yyou are GAL'ing.
I know now, I have not been that woman he wrote those notes to for years...kids, life etc...so we both had changed. I did throw those away awhile ago. When/if H comes back, we will both be different people again and hopefully there will be new notes!
Yes! I agree with CD (rhymes ). I like what you wrote!
Don't you think that another thing that changed was the "persona" that your H projected onto you? That is bound to change with all of the life changing events you and H went through together. David Schnarch (Intimacy & Desire) says that early on in relationships our sense of intimacy comes from self-revelation. We tell our loved one every detail about our lives before now. This is new and interesting and builds intimacy.....but at some point we will run out of new things to reveal about ourselves and this has a negative impact on intimacy and closeness. To weather this transition, we need to find new ways to build intimacy with our loved ones to keep that bond strong. Schnarch talks about this in his book.
Thanks CD Bear! I hope so! I have missed those notes...of being pursued by someone, being loved by someone like that...I just hope it is not too late to get that back with my H!
GAG~ I agree...and thankyou! Hope I can sleep tonight!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Hi CW! Your list is very organized and I thought it was smart how you planted the scariest topic in the middle! Well done because if you start out with it, it could shadow the rest of your discussion and if you wait until the end it could result in lingering tension. (IMO)
But I swear, and I am not just saying this because I am moving on from stbxh, that you moving into the house is not going to deter your H from coming back to you. Because he has moved, correct? That hasn't stopped you from wanting him back, right? AND he hasn't pressed the D for months now, despite moving out.
If you move into a house that is easier for you to manage and maintain, it is PRACTICAL! And when you guys R, you can start over in a new place with new memories for a renewed relationship, right?
OK hope I didn't ramble too much. I just need to emphasize that you moving out doesn't look like you are done having hope for your marriage or want to D. And you can always list the reasons you are moving to your H...
good luck!!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
here's what cainer says about you for this week! Something to think about...as if you don't have enough already!
Your Week Ahead Part Two - Love Focus: Every relationship involves a degree of compromise. Without give and take, there can be no truly meaningful exchange. It is, though, one thing to acquiesce in a spirit of generosity and another to let fear shape the way we interact. So, now here's this week's big question. Dare you confront an unacceptable aspect of an important agreement and replace it with an arrangement based on true trust? And here's the big answer that goes with it. You do dare. You are strong enough... and your astrological outlook is support. You have enough to ensure that wherever you are brave and sincere this week, your reward will be reassurance.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
and I have hung on to those for years...one time, I said to H "remember these? back when you loved me?" and laughed...this was BEFORE I his knew about his MLC and OW...he just kinda shrugged...geez, you'd think I'd have gotten a clue after that. I WANTED him to say those things to me again but I wasn't doing anything to change myself...in my mind, he was the one that changed when in fact, it was both of us! I just didn't see that!
). I like what you wrote!