WHY DO WE DO IT?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

IF the girl I fell head over heels for and married EVER shows back up, I will do everything in my power to win her back!

Tom,

I wanted to go back to this, that you posted last week, because -- while I certainly understand the sentiment (and the love) behind such a statement -- it is EXACTLY the kind of thinking right now that you have to RESIST.

It's perfectly okay to FEEL that way, but it's imperative that you don't ACT that way, upon the very first positive sign from your wife that she may be making a move back towards the marriage.

It really should be more like:

"IF the girl I fell head over heels for and married EVER shows back up, I will do everything in my power to win her back! have to re-evalute very carefully what got us both to this point, and establish some boundaries, because I don't think either one of us can go thru this again. I will move very slowly, and not jump at the first chance I get!"

Make sense??

Puppy

[mrbt]

PDog, have you ever considered becoming one the DB Telephone Coaches?

[navajo]

Well, here is her reply to the question:

"Am I still talking to him, yes. It's more of a friendship than an affair."

And here is my reply back (HAVEN'T sent it yet. Waiting on some input here):

"You have apparently forgotten that I read some of the most recent sex chats you were having and all the "I love Yous"...


I'm really not sure WHAT I want to do now, I've still got some thinking to do.

But as long as there is a 3rd person involved, it's a deal breaker.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

PDog, have you ever considered becoming one the DB Telephone Coaches?

No, and it's never been offered. I'm probably too far off the pure-DB ranch when it comes to some of the affair-busting stuff anyway.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I would suggest you reply:

"Please stop. We BOTH know you're lying right now, and it's incredibly disrespectful to me and to our marriage.

Thank you for your answer; at least I have some clarity now.

Nav"

And then go DIM.

Puppy

[navajo]

So, I shouldn't drive home the fact that she is trying to gloss over my knowing about the sex chats?

And I vote for Pup as honorary DB Coach!

[Kimmie Lee]

Do exactly what Puppy says!

Why posters try to improve on simplicity and perfection is beyond me.

[navajo]

IF the girl I fell head over heels for and married EVER shows back up, I will do everything in my power to win her back!

Tom,

I wanted to go back to this, that you posted last week, because -- while I certainly understand the sentiment (and the love) behind such a statement -- it is EXACTLY the kind of thinking right now that you have to RESIST.

It's perfectly okay to FEEL that way, but it's imperative that you don't ACT that way, upon the very first positive sign from your wife that she may be making a move back towards the marriage.

It really should be more like:

"IF the girl I fell head over heels for and married EVER shows back up, I will do everything in my power to win her back! have to re-evalute very carefully what got us both to this point, and establish some boundaries, because I don't think either one of us can go thru this again. I will move very slowly, and not jump at the first chance I get!"

Make sense??

Puppy

Somehow I completely missed this post. Getting old I guess!

Your point is very well taken and I see exactly what you mean! It has taken me a while, but I now know that we can never "go back". Apparently, there was some fault in the marriage in the past that brought us to this point, so it would do no good to just go back to the way it was.

I am finally at the stage of remembering the good times (and bad) that we had in the past and considering that marriage dead. It is hard though.

I do see and understand my part in killing it by withdrawing from her (and everyone else) in the past and am continuing to work on correcting that.

MAN! This self inspection/growth is tough sometimes!

Thanks again Pup for getting to the nitty gritty and making me take a deeper look!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Do exactly what Puppy says!

Why posters try to improve on simplicity and perfection is beyond me.

Kimmie, are you calling me a simpleton?

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

IF the girl I fell head over heels for and married EVER shows back up, I will do everything in my power to win her back!

Tom,

I wanted to go back to this, that you posted last week, because -- while I certainly understand the sentiment (and the love) behind such a statement -- it is EXACTLY the kind of thinking right now that you have to RESIST.

It's perfectly okay to FEEL that way, but it's imperative that you don't ACT that way, upon the very first positive sign from your wife that she may be making a move back towards the marriage.

It really should be more like:

"IF the girl I fell head over heels for and married EVER shows back up, I will do everything in my power to win her back! have to re-evalute very carefully what got us both to this point, and establish some boundaries, because I don't think either one of us can go thru this again. I will move very slowly, and not jump at the first chance I get!"

Make sense??

Puppy

Somehow I completely missed this post. Getting old I guess!

Your point is very well taken and I see exactly what you mean! It has taken me a while, but I now know that we can never "go back". Apparently, there was some fault in the marriage in the past that brought us to this point, so it would do no good to just go back to the way it was.

I am finally at the stage of remembering the good times (and bad) that we had in the past and considering that marriage dead. It is hard though.

I do see and understand my part in killing it by withdrawing from her (and everyone else) in the past and am continuing to work on correcting that.

MAN! This self inspection/growth is tough sometimes!

Thanks again Pup for getting to the nitty gritty and making me take a deeper look!

You missed my point. It was the OTHER half of your sentence that I was referring to: the "do everything in my power to win her back" part.

I was trying to get you to start making distinctions between "I'll do anything!" and a more enlightened view of "I'll do anything that doesn't violate my own sense of personal integrity and values."

See??

Puppy