It seems as if I have no medium days. I'm either super GALing and moving on with things to do and people to see ...
or I'm emotionally crashing.
Having a really down morning. I had so much going on the past two days that today I just feel .... blah.
I shouldn't. I should be grateful for a slow day. I have the girls for seven straight days starting tomorrow so I have to clean. I also have a basketball game, a softball game and have to stop in to work to drop some files into Google DropBox so I can work on them this week.
See. That's a busy day right there. So I don't see why I'm struggling. STBXW used to complain that -- especially in the summer -- I didn't let her and the girls rest, I always wanted to do something. There's something to that.
In church I was having trouble focusing on the message. It was about armor to wear in battle against Satan.
Two of them struck a chord.
* Truth -- I'm proud of 99 percent of my life, but I have to hide from the 1 percent. I have to be proud of 100 percent and then I don't have to hide from anything.
* Faith -- the ability to trust that what you believe will happen eventually will. I believe STBXW will wake up someday and realize that for all my faults I was the one who would love her no matter what. I believe I'll someday find a R more fulfilling than the one I had for 13 years. But having Faith that that absolutely will happen? I haven't found that yet.
My mantra from Thursday kind of snapped me out of it. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and I am tired of people feeling sorry for me.
Maybe I'm just tired. I'm considering taking a sleeping pill after the softball game tonight to get a ton of sleep. I don't want to go into my final summer week with the girls tired. I'm already going in a little worried about finances.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
