Might have started may of 07 that's when she really, really started showing a lot of stress.
July of 07 she mentioned cnslg and yrs of resentment on me came forward, then she dropped it.
I listened to her that day and went into overdrive, on what to do to releave her stress and went way overboard on love you's and chocolate and flowers.
But May 07 is when she too started acting more like a kid,mixed in with a serious stressed side. That's when relationship with neighbor started and bowling and drinking after work and not being home whenn i'd call to say was on my way home, also when she started saying I looked at her like a piece of meet.
That's also when she started saing "is that wrong." And she went drinking and hit something and said to me, do you think something is wrong with me.
I told her it was probably just stress of her new job.
Then she wanted to do fostercare instead of cnslg so we did that instead and started to do more projects around the house and work,she definatley was not as fun after may of 07, not with me anyway, she'd have her moments but that's when she stopped saying she missed me and the kids especially d started getting out of hand.
Haven't been on the FB too much, been living at least second at a time, but have been getting away from sitting around. Have been on another forum, haven't really posted very much there either.
It's crazy there is a wealth of info on MLC but it's not talked about much.
It's almost like us and the MLC'er are in a special little club that isn't talked about too much:)
I put a time limit on the net so I don't get stuck.
D isn't final yet.
Been watching reading other posts on here.
Kind of like a relationship you look back and go hmmm now that makes sense.
Yeah I made a lot of mistakes I still am, I'm about ready to put a list together for newcomers, it's funny everytime you read a post you learn something new about a mlc and why they reacted this way,too bad we haven't found the way to fix 'em:)
I'm still taking it second by second, but I'm getting better everyday.
Tell you this, go thru something like it and you're not afraid of anything.
When I first got on here someone said I'd develop think skin, that is no joke, only thing haven't been called is JC.
I've just been reading your posts and living life.
Been riding the heck out of my cycle until the police figured out didn't have a license. It was an alluding type of thing, but man it was fun:)I earned they're respect went from going to jail to having Dr Peppers in the drive way.
Me and D are still off base, but you know I'm not pushing it.Saw her for 10 min's on her 15th bday, it was tough but made it thru.
I've gotten really good at poker I've been in 30 tournaments now and only twice not made the final table.I don't care about the money, it's just nice being a nobody.
I've built a relationship with the author of "Bring it On" and also Shepardess from the other forum that Old Pilot had suggested.
Great books out there and yes guys I've forwarded them to my wife.ONLY AS SUGGESTIONS!!!!
Wife actually texted me a TYou last wk, I sent her the Ozzy autobiography and a cple times texted her when his new song has come on and she texts back.
I'm still kept in the dark on a lot of stuff, but when I find out from kids new stuff she's done, text her she should be proud of herself.
I did, don't kill me, but I did ask her on a date:)I knew the response I would get, but you know what, she hasn't suffered one consequence and she knows she's got me wrapped and cutting her off would be a tactic.I have fun with the insults every now and then and compliment her on any new ones.
I have a neighbor that is mlc affair and all,it's funny she's listening to me and she'll look over my shoulder when I read the threads and the guilt that comes over her. Man. The deal is she knows she killed her husband, she knows she's lost everything, but the OM is like heroin to her.The heroin was a quote!
We listen to self help cd's together and I just listen and pass on things to her ex, but hey she did stop the divorce and I asked them both to just enjoy limbo.He could so have her back and I told him, she said if he would do only 2 things and her husband won't listen to me.
ONE WAS IF HE WOULD THRIVE VS PLAYING THE VICTIM and take care of himself.She doesn't want to be with him like he is all down and needy.I loaned him DR DB,I'm like this little mlc club on this divorce block and they all know what i want and I should give everyone on the block a library card, have everything from Men are from Mars to how to forgive loaned out.
So I can help others and not my family frustrating.Even was contacted by a University in town about going back to school, I challenged a psychiatrist to the debate of MLC and all I've done is pass on what I've seen here or learned anyway the shrink was impressed and the school called me.
I declined, I am a novice and have nothing like Snodderly, Jack, Old Pilot has to offer, remember I'm a salesperson so if I find something that I like, I make it mine.Too many people try to reinvent the wheel.
Her divorce isn't final so yeah I'm making a push, it's not going to do anything now I realize, but at least if her heart softens she'll have something to help her.
We all know the what, we just don't know the how or the why.
Slowly focusing on myself, but still more on her almost a yr later, not what she's doing or not done, jsut the dang it I miss her and want to get to know the person she's becoming.
Work moved me to a new store I don't have much authority like before, but it's more what I can do for this struggling store and I kick the mngr out everynow and then and make him take his wife to dinner.
Wouldn't wish this hell on anyone and just doing my best to pass it on.
Went to a concert mothers day and wife found out I had scalped her ticket, D had texted me and said hey mom didn't know, she would've gone, that was my date, so I texted them both, hey ur not here but ur are in my heart and hey I just high fived Rob Zombie while your sitting ont he couch:)
shoot I left out a lot of names, grace, mach, you all know who, the screen was messing up, I just figured out how to fit more in it.
One of these days I'll get around to attaching my first thread.
I pray for all of us...LBS's, MLC'ers and a whole bunch of others.
All of us on this forum, we're all pretty awesome in my book and we don't deserve to be here and our spouses they don't deserve to be lost, just a random thought.
But it was right we get through this together, but alone and alone is no fun!
Jack a cple wks or months ago you posted something about passing the torch.
Why?
If it fills your heart why would you give it up?
HB thank you for coming back.
And guys just know everyday I think of you and use you as motivation all of you!
The 13th was when my wife asked me to leave to give her some space.
I went thru every emotion for two days couldn't even get out of bed.
Backslid I guess.
I've been checking in everyday, really focusing on the resources.
The divorce isn't final, I'm coming out of my fog and gone whoa,look what I've done.
I'm working on all kinds of tricks to try to get her the past out of my mind.
I realize now why it has to be about us right now, because I had come accross this post, I've been going thru Snodderly's threads.
That while our loves are in "replay" we really do not stand a chance, it's best to get out of their way, give them the room they need and hope they get to "liminality," that may be anyone's best chance.
The Denial in Replay is so strong and it does hurt, I hurt terribly for her and the kids.
I haven't really begun I guess the hard work on myself, I've spent over a year trying to save or fix someone else.
I pray for us on DB and pray for them and your families everyday.
My son has been with me for 2 months my daughter once since January.
I text and call her everyday and let her know I love her and accept her as she is.
She'll text back occasionally.
I have not begun to fight, but I called attorney and said tear up the proposal, I have laid down too much and she or my daughter have really had no consequence.
I have been way too nice.
I have my motorcycle that is what I do for me and I'll be coaching football again, coming up with game plans today.
I haven't posted much to others, my fog was so bad, I would have been giving advice and you shouldn't take advice from someone more messed up than yourself.
Round 2 - Thanks so much for your post ~ just wanted you to know that I feel EXACTLY the same way!!!! All of the things that you posted about who you are and what you want represent my feelings exactly. Thanks - I needed that today! (AYK - sorry to hijack!)
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
This shiznit it tough dude. Whatever you do re: the D...do it with love man. She may never realize it, she may - who knows.
I have to believe that one day...one day..she will come to realize that man that you would have become. She would come to realize that although you could have been a d*ck that you decided to take the high road. One day my friend, she will look at you and say "thank you". When that day comes is not your concern right now. Your focus should be on YOUR healing. Your focus should be on YOUR kids. Will your mind drift..Yep...will you hurt for a some time..Yep...
"Some time" is NOT Forever!
Now, get on your bike and take a ride. Ride hard, ride long, go live your life dude. Go and find your happiness.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
AYK You are so far from being alone in this. I think I will just copy and paste your sitch for mine. Just kidding. I still am blown away on how the language MLC'r use is so universal. How can they word for word transmit this stuff to each other over long distances?
