I know just how you are feeling. Yes, I still miss my H and it hurts my heart at times. Especially those times when there should be two and now it's only one.
I do want to let you know that it DOES get easier. Detaching and just doing those things and managing them by yourself naturally builds up your self confidence. Life goes on with or without H, and he can't be relied on at this time for anything. Just know you can rely on someone, and that's YOU!
I'm impressed at how far you've come in a short time. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You're doing great!
My situation being what it is - Career Army, always off somewhere, just a difference in how long and will he come back alive- make it different for me. I am very self sufficient, very able to take care of things on my own, yet the pain at first was just as if he had been here with me everyday. Because he was here - on my mind, in my heart, in our relationship. I kept telling myself things were not so very different, just no phone calls, but the grief was just as powerful.
As SA says, you have come a very long way in a short time from where you started, without the background I had of self support. Grief is grief, and we all go through it at our own pace. It will get easier, we do go on, we fall down and then pick ourselves up again. Don't doubt yourself, you are doing great.
I think my H probably left with less then anyone else here...he came home and took his shaving kit! Left his guitar, his family heirlooms, clothes, underwear! you name it, I had it except for the shaving kit???
I packed it all up and put it in my sister's garage...hahaha, still have to get it out...H has been back for a long time now and we still have his stuff in her garage!...
IB...I can relate so much to how you feel...I think it comes with us wrapping ourselves up into our H's life and our kid's lives...we lose who we are...and when one of those parts steps out, H leaving or even the dreaded empty nest...we take it harder then others...that IS part of our life! They can't leave and take it away!...that is why as much as I love my family and my H I know that I am complete on my own...they compliment me, not complete me.
Take care and keep moving on that LS...that will make you feel so much better
Lin - Thanks for that - this has been a terribly rough weekend. I know that I am blessed to have my dad and sister here - but their presence has also allowed me to breakdown a little more frequently than I have been able to - that's good and bad.
H and I engaged in a tense exchange regarding S. I said to H that whoever he is talking to or is talking to him is certainly not those who have cared/loved/supported him all these years - not just me, but his family etc. His new "friends" are completely detached from his "real" life. I also reminded him about the kids he had counseled whose parents had gotten divorced and how he felt for them. I told him his kids were not immune to those same issues.
Nothing reaches him - he is COMPLETELY detached. Middle D talked with him for a while - she is VERY angry with him. He said he loved me, but wasn't "in" love with me any more. When she told me - she said it sounded like what she had gone through with a recent relationship. I said there's a difference between a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and a marriage. You can't expect to be "in" love all the time in a marriage - you have to work at it. I don't want my kids to misunderstand the good work in marriage.
I just don't want ANY interaction with him for a long time. I need space from him in order to detach. I need to ACCEPT the fact that he's not coming back - and that by accepting that - does not mean that I am not standing for my marriage. It is just taking care of myself and my family.
I need a good week at work - and a good week of self care.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I need to ACCEPT the fact that he's not coming back - and that by accepting that - does not mean that I am not standing for my marriage. It is just taking care of myself and my family.
Yes Irish exactly.
In this way, you control everything.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
My plans for taking care of myself.... Monday - IC Tuesday - Work late, sister coming in Wednesday - Meet with Attorney Thursday - Cleaning Lady coming Friday - Pack Saturday - S and I leave for Orlando
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
It sounds like you are doing great. Hope you have a good week at work. That is so great that you and your son are going to get away. Detaching is the best way to take care of you and your kids. God bless you and your family.
