What we each did wrong that hurt our marriage

[luvless]

STBXH kept saying I was "controlling" when he first admitted he was done. I could never figure this out. I was not possessive.

I was too controlling over MYSELF. I never fully let my guard down with him. He never got 100% of ME. I am a VERY guarded person...nobody's going to take advantage of me, nobody's going to f--- me over, I will not be used. I always had a wall up protecting myself from STBXH

OMG this is me! This is exactly what happened in my marriage. I had a reason to mistrust though. He lied and cheated with a girl when we were dating so even though I loved him still I lived guarded.

We always bickered in our marriage and things got discussed (because I had to talk about them) but he didn't like talking about issues. We did everything together and even 19 years later he'd be excited to come home to spend time with me. I think as I was beginning to "love" him freely I let my guard down and it was too late. I wasn't there for my former husband and he couldn't talk to me! or how I see it - never tried.

Anyway this is my story too. I do have a hard time accepting an affair as an escape though. No matter how bad a marriage gets - you leave you don't cheat and lie period!

Luv