The only time I am the happiest is when I am without my H, unless my son is along. I'm torn.......maybe I would be happier with another man....but I would be miserable without my son fulltime. What's best for my son? Staying married. Financially......I would be ruined to divorce.

I feel selfish. I want more than a friendship love. My friend told me that once I had a child I no longer got to pick what I want. That it is not about me.

I know I am rambling, but I need to get some thoughts out of my head and try to make sense of them.

We have my parents and his parents and family fooled. Everyone thinks we are fine. Neighbors, too. I do enjoy my life. I just don't feel anything toward my H.

We went out with another couple last night. It was so sweet seeing their interaction....and yet so painful at the same time. It's something I will never have. It hurts.

I do love this man...my husband....but not the way I should. I love him for the man he is...he is a catch, he is even really good looking, ...on paper he is perfect....he just doesn't "do it" for me, and I don't "do it" for him...no spark no nothing.

Is anyone else in a relationship like this? Can I do something that will create a spark? What can I do?

M 39
H 39
1 son, 7

Multiple affairs before/during/and after separation, came clean, went to Retrouvaille, forgave each other, Piecing for over a year, same problems exist, back to counseling