I will caution you on one thing, friends and family will always want what is best for you and they will give you the quickest route to that goal because they love you and want the best for you.
Don't do things because they gave you the idea to do it, do things in your life because YOU have DECIDED it's the best thing for your life and all those that are a part of it.
I do not want to be a doormat anymore. M is not a relationship tht the W can come and go as she pleases. That is the way I feel right now. You have encouraged me to put my foot down and need to get my strength back for my kids and myself, my balls need to be back in my pants.
So while the W is with her family, she is texting me wanting to know bills so she can budget(for what she thinks is happening tomorrow, me moving out) I told her we will talk tomorrow, She types whats wrong? i said us, told her I will not discuss this via text. she says been that way. Says she wants to be prepared, I keep typing to her not via text, in person. She types why? again. unbelievable you would think she would give our years together a little more respect than that.
Had a good night's sleep, woke up to the W texting me early asking if I am awake. replied "yes". she then replies will you let me in on why you were upset last night? I replied: Im not upset actually, just had an awakening yesterday. But I am not going to discuss it like this. It is disrespectful and we are not in high school, we will talk in person. her reply: I dont like you talking down to me. my reply: i am not talking down to you sorry you feel that way. her reply: what did you do last night? went to AA speaker met with some AA people afterwards and went home. her rpely: went well? my reply: yes. Then the phone rings and its my kids, my 5 year old son gets on the phone and says he wants to come home and be with me, I know that was eating the W up. She says to him you just got her and you need to spend time with Grandpa Jimbo, he says no I want to go home to Dad. All this time I am feeling on top of the world, because I know it is eating her up.
I get off the phone with the kids, and the texts start again. She types: when are you going to your borther's tonight so I can make sure we r back in time for kids to spend time with you. I pause and start to think, is she for real? is she not understanding that what I am telling her is that we need to have a discussion that things are not going to go as planned when she gets home? is she trying to control and manipulate the siuation? so I pull myself out of that mindset and type back, we will talk when you get home. She replies: you say that communicating via text is disrespectful....so is ignoring all my questions. U dont get to demand when we talk about something. I do not reply to that, then she calls 2 minutes later. Is it wrong for me to be glad she is getting worked up? feeling the stress as I have during this? I say not, she is getting some of it dished back at her, I am taking some control back as well as my Balls as Robx would put it.
So I answer the phone and she asks how it went last night. I told her it was a powerful speaker and good message. She asked what my awakening was , I just replied to her that we will talk about it when you get home. She starts to get agitated and basically says I dont understand why we cant talk now, and says goodbye and hangs up.
I am going to leave it alone. Obviously she has been stewing all night since she started back up where we left off las night, first thing this morning. I am sure she is sitting there trying to justify that what I am doing is why she is upset in the M. Until she realizes I am not doing anything, that it is all her, she will be the one in Limbo, not me. I will go to church shortly, talk to God and ask him to give me the strength to stand firm today and not back down. I know she will be stewing all day long, and when she gets home it will be all my fault.
just remember, don't get angry, don't drop down to her level of arguing, walk away from the argument, walk away from the argument, walk away from the argument, I'm telling you this because the storm is coming, I don't want to read tomorrow that you got into a big argument with your wife, you will just stand firm and let her know that you've changed your mind and you are not moving out, if she wants to move out because she needs space, she is free to do so, in fact she probably should move out since she wants the space so badly but you've decided you are staying in your home with your kids, that's where you need to be and that's all there is to discuss.
I agree on the texting, it's good for quick messages, etc. but not for carrying conversations, that needs to be done on phone or better yet in person.
If she is "stewing", it isn't your fault, it's her inability to control her emotions but you are in control of your emotions and you won't drop down to her level.
She was trying to get a reaction out of me in a negative way like she always does, I did not. I know it is her own emotions causing the stewing, which again she will blame me for. I will do as we have discussed, she wants space, she moves. I will not fight it, I will not make it difficult, I will help her do it.
the last thing she said, which I forgot to post was: see you complain about communicating is our problem and you wont talk about this with me now. Again she is trying to validate her own reasons and saying it is my fault, the merry go round continues, off to church people have a good day.
I would have told her "you're right I do complain about that, I just don't think communication is done by texting and typing words, communication is done with talking preferably in front of each other, that's my preference, I guess other people may feel differently, everyone is entitled to their opinions, no worries"
Its the stubbornness in my wife that drives me to insanity. I totally agree with you robx, my W is one of those who believe they follow the scripture and our from a solid christian base. Well my brother lit her up last night saying God is frowning on her right now. He told me that not her. I am at church a little early ppl r asking where W is, I'm just playing it cool. After church going to go to my brothers get some hot TX sun by his pool and drink a couple odouls? Don't know if I spelled it right.
