I think exposure backfired?

[AntoniaB]

Well, there is one main reason I am sure and I know that probably you'll disagree with me, but I believe him and actually our friends believe him that this girl was the only one and that his confession is a full confession.

The very first time I confronted him on the possibility of the OW, he told me yes immediately. I didn't have to drag it out of him. I asked a billion questions and he told me everything but her name. (I figured out who she was later anyway and told him it was her and he agreed). After he told me, he said that he remembered me saying many times during our marriage that this type of breach of trust would make me file for divorce, and so would I be filing? I said no I would not. He asked why and I said because I wanted to try to work it out. He was completely in shock, saying that this info was supposed to make ME be the one to file. I said it didn't work because I am pro-marriage and want to overcome obstacles.

He keeps saying he is going to file and that is the best thing for us, and he is committed to living apart and "moving on", but yet he hasn't filed. I had said that if there were "more to the story with the OW" than the tame affair I'd been told about, or if there were "other women" from the past or a pattern of behavior, that I would feel differently and would be the one to end it and file, but still, he insists that I know everything.

I just feel like if there were more he'd tell me if only to make it easier on him, because then I'd take care of the whole breakup for him instead of making him be the one to end it.

So for now I'm living as if we are divorced anyway and all but done with a property settlement, but the actual divorce has never been filed. You know now that I've removed his "safety net" by not having any contact with him, maybe that WILL move him to file because his cake-eating is over.