Exposed finally,,limbo land

[Optimust]

Did not contact her as said above, she TM me 'Are you home?' an hour later, I was, but was headed out the door to avoid her, and TM 'what’s up?' back. She said,’ I will put $xxx in our account for the bills as normal if you sign this (D)paper.' I believe that is extortion. I hate to think of it, but now she is f’ing with the money. Well, I said I would be back in an hour or so and she could try calling me, she didn’t, so I TM’d her and D14, ‘goodnight, etc’. I want to avoid signing until at least Monday, so I have the week to give to my L, as well as our state mandatory 90 waiting period starts at that point on D.

If she doesn’t put money in joint account I will need to adjust for it, but not much. I will not be able to cover mortgage very long (if at all) so I will just stop making payments. Oh well. I’m going to consult a bankruptcy attorney tomorrow I think.

After I said goodnight, she wanted to know when I was expecting to be with DD’s based on having next 2 days off, I said over night 2-3 nights, and with me during the day both days, and asked if she was interested in going to church on Sunday, when she said,’ No, you take girls with you, I will take them next Sunday(would be 1st time at church for her since she has been in A)’. I replied,’ No bad can come from going to church together.’ Her,’I will go by myself, thank you, since you stole my father’s heart.’ Silent pressure she is putting on herself, along with some from OM, seem to still be effective.

I’m still thinking that she thinks all of her pain will go away with a D, everyone will just forget about A and her other poor choices, everyone will fall in love with OM, and her life will be better than it ever has been.

As far as the comments, ‘Stealing my father’s heart’, and ‘What I did to you(A) was wrong, but you had no right to talk to my dad and ruin my relationship with him.’, should I rebut them with,’I didn't ruin anything, all I did is tell the truth to some one who cares deeply for DD’s, you, and me.’?

Thanks again for any input.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You may want to eventually reply "Look, I'm only going to say this ONCE. I simply decided that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair. These are just the consequences of what you decided to do, that's not on me, and I won't own it. This is your mess; you get to clean it up. The sad thing is that it's affected a lot of other innocent people, who we both love very much."

But I would only do that ONCE -- I wouldn't get into a text message tit-for-tat. And something close to what I suggest here as a script WILL cause her to SPEW, so put on the big-boy raincoat!!

Puppy

[Allen A]

The other thing you can do with your email account is use Puppy's script for an auto reply if it comes from WS email address... so SHE will keep hearing it, but YOU only have to deal with communicating it once...

If you can get your phone setup to do that or an automessage of some sort if the # is hers then she hears that instead...

You want to build a WALL around you to protect you from teh negative BS you will get hurled your way...

You can end the note with an alternate email for them to send to if its from them and leave a note saying you have someone checking that email for you... and if its an emergency they will get in touch wtih you.

[sportsfan]

Wow. Big hugs to you Opti. Sounds as if the WAW is reeling right now. YOU ruined her relationship with her Dad? Puleeeeeese. You may say something simple such as, "I haven't done anything dishonest, I simply told the truth". You don't want to argue any point with her right now because that will just make her dig her heals in even more. She now feels like the victim and she will blame you for it.

[Allen A]

Your "ruining" that relationship is a big point in your favour.. its clear your exposure has done some damage to the affair... keep her up :P

[Allen A]

Try to MINIMIZE communication Opti.

If you CAN, redirect all of her calls to an alternate number and have a friend screen them.

You want to SHUT her OUT so she will start SPIRALING DOWN FURTHER... if you keep chatting with her it doens't help you

Get your exposure group (FIL, etc) to pressure her while YOU keep silent behind a WALL of redirection... and let her drown...

[Optimust]

She served me tonight, I will do detailed report tommorrow, but wanted input on this note I made her sign before I would sign acceptance of summons letter:


I, WAW, swear that I will not allow OM or any other man I am seeing on a social basis, to come into contact with my daughters, D14, or D8 by any means, weather it be electronic, or in person, or using any devices including computers, cell phones, or other means, to come in contact with them from today and until a time period of no less than six months from the date that the divorce between myself and their father, LBS, is finalized by the Superior Court of XXXX County.

If for any reason that OM or any other man I am seeing socially does come into contact with my daughters by the means listed or any other, D14 or D8 within the stated time period, their father LBS will become their full legal custodian from the day that the contact is made and forward from that day until he agrees to any alterations to that custody.


Did this hurt me any?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I highly doubt it's enforceable.

It would need to end with

If for any reason that OM or any other man . . . their father LBS will immediately seek legal recourse to become their full legal custodian from the day ...

She probably signed it because she knew it wasn't enforceable anyway. But I don't think it HURTS you in any way, to answer your question.

[Optimust]

Howdy all. So she did give me the papers as said above and I did sign the acceptance form after she signed mine about DD’s. I probably did everything wrong I could’ve that night. I made her come down to discuss it, which she didn’t want to do, but otherwise I no signy form. I asked,’ separation in one hand, D in other, how could D ever be the better option?’. She just said,’ We separated before, I don’t want it again. I want a D.’ She repeated the ‘you ruined my relationship with my dad’ line about 10 times, but said it was not because I told him about the A, but because I told him about our debt problems, and she thinks he thinks it’s her poor shopping habits, etc. Oh well, just told him the truth again.

Three things I made her confirm before I signed it:
1. DD’s custody schedule, and to make sure she had D14 stay at my house on my nights.
2. That her paycheck would continue to go into our account until we could square away our finances.
3. The DD’s/OM no contact letter.

She was really pissed off, and refused to sign letter the first time I presented it, but then signed it, but I’m sure she will ignore it.

5pm yesterday girls are with me, and she TM,’OM and his son are coming over for dinner. Don’t let DD’s come up to my place’. I was pissed, and we argued about it in TM(I will stop this, it sucky way to communicate), I said when(at 5:31), and she responded 5:30. So I took DD’s out to dinner, and kept them away from home for a couple of hours. D14 needed clothes at W place, W assured me OM left, I let D14 go, and she stayed the night with a lame excuse, that both of them put together. I’m hoping she was telling the truth about OM, but I doubt it.

FIL called me this morning out of the blue, and wanted to do something with DD’s and me, so we went to a local community show/fair. It was cool, and it will get back to W and screw her into the ground, once again - oh well, he asked to come, we didn’t do it on purpose.

D14 is bored off her butt, but she would be the same up at W’s, she just is drawn to the secrecy of the A, but I’m not going to give ground on that, because even though D14 thinks it’s no big deal, she doesn’t realize the impact the A is going to have on her over the years, and the less she knows, the better.

Thanks for listening.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

5pm yesterday girls are with me, and she TM,’OM and his son are coming over for dinner. Don’t let DD’s come up to my place’.

Your reply should have been:

"Noted."

Everything else should have been avoided. She sucked you into her drama.

Puppy