Thanks Bruce. Talked with a guy at work yesterday and that helped alot. I also told my wife that I need to move out sooner than later. I told her it was no good for me and that I would be sure to give her more than the 28% she will be getting when things are final so that she can get settled, but that I needed my own money in order to survive.
She said we should keep going like we are for now. For me that means she sits five feet away from me and the kids texting the OM and living a latte lifestyle. We are by no means affluent, but that is my point. I have always nagged about her spending, but now when things are really tight and she is worried about money, there always seems to be a couple of bucks for the 4.50 cup of java and the 9 dollar penera lunch.
I do not want to seem like I am controlling her through finances, but I think the entire point is that I cannot worry any longer about what she thinks. I am going to talk to the lawyer about issues evolving from me leaving (first I have to get a lawyer), in Illinois law, and if he/she is good with it, I simply cannot see staying as a healthy option for me.
Made veiled accusation again this morning in as loving a way as I could, and I know that is stupid, but THAT is one of the reasons I need to get out, if only for the morning emptiness that seems to warp my brain into this submissive pleading troll.
Last night right after my post I felt SO good about everything, but then she hit me with a trembly lip and near tear eyes when I talked of leaving and I kind of lost my MOJO. I have to be as strong as she was on Bomb day, and even more so perhaps due to the fact I love her so.
Best to all, and thanks to the DB board for keeping me sane.
