I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

Just a journal or something...tonight I went to an outdoor concert at a place stbxh and I went to 3 times before...with C and her H. It was an awesome band and I had fun of course. But I would have intermittent flashes of memories from times stbxh and I were there...and I kept thinking "I am reclaiming this place!"
I still got caught up crying every now and then. I was drinking beer but still....I think it would make me sad anyway.

THEN later, when we were eating afterward, I suddenly got so upset with my friends about stbxh....I insisted they own up to the TRUTH which was that stbxh WAS a good person and great to me UNTIL the A! That they could not and should not lie and re-write their opinion of him during that time period and say that I married the wrong man! That he WAS TRULY a nice, good, fun man!

I think something triggered me to think that they wanted to label him as 100% evil bastard from 2004 to present day when actually it was more like 2008- present.

So we got into a heated discussion at first that ended well with hugs. I know my gut, damn it! And my gut was telling me something like they were re-writing our history and just because I made some positive comments like stbxh always remembered names for me, was awesome with directions, (BUT ALSO made sure I was taken care of, cuddled and kissed me in public, listened to me, cooked for me, joked with me, KNEW how I was feeling, supported me) didn't mean that I didn't understand that he was messed up for doing what he did. But that I didn't imagine or use rose colored glasses or dream that things were like that...it was TRUTH it was REAL. And it is part of the grieving process for me to acknowledge the good parts of my life with him. And that it doesn't mean I am not moving on! It means I am mourning what was.

I think they got it.