I thought I might take a minute (could be several so get comfortble) and unload where my brain is at right now.
I had a great day. No contact with W. D and I had fun. "We" cleaned the main floor; did some laundry and got ready for my sis and her two D's to come over. Had the bouncy thingy in the back yard and, all being under 4, they had a blast.
BBq's some dogs. It was nice. My littlest sister has been my sounding board through this. She is awesome. She has asked that I talk to a friend of hers in BC while we're out there cause she's getting sucked in and spit back out through a D of her own. So it's nice to know my DB'ing and the manner in which I appear to be handling this is at least gaining me respect with my family. None of them can understand how I'm not a basket case.
So, D is in bed, and I'm trying to relax and enjoy a few minutes on my own before "it all goes down tomorrow" The hard part is I feel I need to be "ready for anything" and there are just too many possible scenario's when she walks through the door.
If it's venom and anger, that's fairly easy. "Stop. I will not get sucked into the fight you want. That will only let you relieve your guilt. I'm done with that"
If it's accusations and threats- "I understand how you must feel. However, you have no empathy or respect for how I feel or why I'm doing what I'm doing. What I'm doing is right for me and my family. Your threats are meaningless."
If it's guilty and soft ( a long shot) I understand your feelings. I have feelings too. And my feelings are telling me we should not be together anymore"
If it's the silent treatment (W's personal favorite) "I see you don't want to talk. That's fine. I have decided that I have taken your crap for far too long. Since your choices regarding this family have taken us here, I'll be making the decisions where we go from here. You have Calla until Friday night as I'll be leaving early Saturday. You can stay here or stay elsewhere til then. She'll be back here the following Sunday at 6 as arranged. I'll have a Separation Agreement Drawn up by August 10. Please begin packing your personal belongings. I will not live with infidelity one minute longer than legally required. The house will be supervised while I am away"
I realize that things will be 'maleable' but I have to prevent overtalking and getting sucked in. If she is wild, I will grab D and leave for her safety.
But the key is to look good; feel good; strong posture and soft low voice. And keep her in front of me. Right in the eyes. No hint of strain.
I know there are several tangents she could go off on. But I can alswys fall back on infidelity and trust/lies. And grind them.
I've been taking her crap at the cost of my self-respect for too long and now it's my turn to drive. I deserve better. D deserves better. And I'm sorry for her loss. But I can't control or apparently save her. That's her only remaining choice. Ask for help.
Please let me know if I'm on track or oblivious to another possible tactic she could take or I should be aware of.
I know neither the Gucc/Rob or Puppy or Allen's scripts are here but I'd like some feedback from you all if I can in the morning so I can prepare.
I'm gonna read over the Letting Go speech again and see if it will cover them all in one sweep. But I'm really getting tired of this and want my life back.
Sick of the lies; the drama; the manipulation and the BS. I know my W is probably still buried inside the mess that she is now, but I've tired of looking. I said it before. She's almost dead to me now.
Everything we've done in the last 6 months, possibly a year, I can see completely differently now.
