I think exposure backfired?

[AntoniaB]

Ok it is now 9 days since I contacted him in any way or responded to anythng from him. The longest ever in 23 years that we've been out of contact. It really is tough. Though I do know that contacting him won't solve anything. It's just hard to imagine that this may very well be what has to happen for the rest of our lives.

Sometimes I feel like this whole thing is one sick game of chicken, or like a simple argument that got so out of control that he is forcing to an unbelievable level. Early on he said to me after he told me about the OW that as hard as it was, that he had to "accept the reality that he had created", and I just keep thinking, "why? why could you not say that reality was the wrong path and just stop what you were doing then?" I've heard him say he thinks he "deserves" to lose me because what he did was unforgivable, that he "isn't worthy of my forgiveness", so with that in his head, no wonder he is pushing on with the affair, because he thinks it is all he has as an option.