Well she was asleep when I got home fri night. She woke up her normal time and I was already up. She got dressed for the gym and was heading downstairs when she asked me.
She was halfway down the stairs and then she asked me. I guess she wasn't awake more than 15 min. It was the first time she saw me today.
and she went right to it. Funny I didn't see it your way. I was just thinking that she was horribly ticked about the exposure.
Now she won't tell me when she is staying at home or not. She wouldn't tell me tonight. I am actually out now waiting for a train. But she wouldn't tell me if she was coming home from her aunts. Its almost like she is playing a game with me to see how I react.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
YUP... she's playing the usual game they all play...
So, after only fifteen minutes of being awake she had to interact with you... she could'nt even wait a half an hour?
Did you read Overcoming Infidelity the eBook I posted up here earlier? Penny goes into a lot of detail about how long term attachment works... I assumed you had read that...
She's testing you for reactions... Her head is a mess of emotions right now and she's all over the place.
Out on the town tonight, I stopped by the bookstore again . After reading for a while I got up to look for a magazine, and I saw this REALLY pretty girl to check out a book before I bought the digital edition.
I had a MOMENT of hesitation before I approached her, but I thought to myself:
"You wife did 2 guys online, sex chatted 8 feet from you, and just about everything else. How bad could it POSSIBLY be to talk to this girl?"
So I brought the A-game, and worked it like I used to. That's the thing. I used to have NO FEAR WHATSOEVER when dealing with women. I mean the Summer before I met my wife, I worked the beach where I lived like no other.
My wife died for that confidence, and she actually thought to herself back then "He would NEVER go for a girl like me!" She thought our first date was "just a friend thing". She chased me so hard that it slightly turned me off, for a little while.
So I found that confidence, and I talked to this girl for 30 minutes while she was supposed to be working. AAAAANNND I got her phone number.
So before you slug me Allen, I needed a WIN. In all of this I needed a pick-me-up. I was feeling like total crap, and like I would never, ever be able to find a woman who I would be interested enough in again.
I don't know what tomorrow holds. I don't know if I can keep trying so hard and getting nothing. But I do know that I just had an AWESOME interaction with a SMART AND GORGEOUS girl, who then said yes to giving me her number.
Maybe this will start to give me the confidence I need to play in on the big time hands with the wife.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Now she won't tell me when she is staying at home or not. She wouldn't tell me tonight. I am actually out now waiting for a train. But she wouldn't tell me if she was coming home from her aunts.
Its almost like she is playing a game with me to see how I react.
And yes folks she isn't coming home. I HAD to text her to find out if/when she was in order to make sure the dogs could be let out. And she text me back "Tomorrow 10am".
@Allen:
If she has this attachment you speak of, and she couldn't go 15 min this morning without talking about the divorce/selling the house, then why is she spending as much time away from home as possible?
So is it only when she SEES me that the attachment kicks in? She doesn't WANT that attachment, so she is trying to initiate her OWN "protection" phase?
I don't get it all.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
The attachment is EASIER to avoid talkign to you when she's distant... The closer she is the more drawn to you she is... It's not that complicated when you think about it.
There's a REASON she's trying to keep her distance and talks non stop about divorce... There's a reason she's fighting so hard and running so damn fast...
No one's chasing her. It's just her own self that' she's fighting.
QS - I understand why you got the phone number. Flirted with that boundary myself a bit . . . and got the same response from Allen . But you know what . . . was short lived for me. Just needed to know I could. And you know, I think there is an energy you turn on when you're hungry for that . . . as soon as I started wondering and thinking about whether I could, boom! it's like guys were looking left and right. I think while securely married, I just stopped giving off that energy. Wonder if I stopped giving it off for my H too and that was the problem. See . . . some of us got our exes because we were exuding sexuality at the time and they were drawn to that. I mean, I met my H while wearing pleather pants and a sequined tube top in a frat party. I was 18 . . . and yeah, I outgrew that as most people will. Years later . . . its turned off just due to life and the rush and pace of maintaing home, jobs, etc. I think it took my H's affair for me to reclaim this part of me. And yeah, it takes discipline not to use it to get a quick fix for the emotional needs when H is clearly wayward and having those needs met elsewhere.
So, though I eventually agree with Allen's advice to toss the number, I think it's healthy to reclaim that part of you.
And you know, I think there is an energy you turn on when you're hungry for that . . . as soon as I started wondering and thinking about whether I could, boom! it's like guys were looking left and right.
Ah-hah! Had this EXACT same experience last week. Felt like I'd suddenly turned into Megan Fox or something! VERY weird!
Originally Posted By: MelodyJ
I think while securely married, I just stopped giving off that energy. Wonder if I stopped giving it off for my H too and that was the problem. Years later . . . its turned off just due to life and the rush and pace of maintaing home, jobs, etc. And yeah, it takes discipline not to use it to get a quick fix for the emotional needs when H is clearly wayward and having those needs met elsewhere.
I agree with ALL of this, particularly the last sentence. It's hard to get hit on by a bunch of guys only to be ignored or rejected by your husband. Easy out, unfortunately...
I really hear all of what you guys are saying. But as I read more and more and more about affairs and WAS I have come to this realization:
SHE seems to be applying (probably unknowingly) the techniques WE are using ourselves.
1) She is out of the house an enormous amount of time 2) She has TONS of friends and family to lean on for support, and uses them 3) She doesn't talk to me except for divorce related matters. She appears to be in "protection" phase 4) She APPEARS very happy alot of the time. But she could be faking it until she makes it too just like me 5) She seems to have accepted her reality as it is and could be happy if it "goes either way".
But for me, it just felt REALLY good to get some attention from women.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
KEEPING the number means you are doing the SAME THING cheating spouses do. If you are divorcebusting, you are in there 100%. You can't be in a marriage, but have some girls number you picked up... It doesn't work.
And I can guarantee you that you won't fight for your marriage half as much while you have that number in your back pocket.
You are turning into your wife dude. And not the pretty part either.
. But you know what . . . was short lived for me. Just needed to know I could. And you know, I think there is an energy you turn on when you're hungry for that . . . as soon as I started wondering and thinking about whether I could, boom! it's like guys were looking left and right. I think while securely married, I just stopped giving off that energy. Wonder if I stopped giving it off for my H too and that was the problem. See . . . some of us got our exes because we were exuding sexuality at the time and they were drawn to that. I mean, I met my H while wearing pleather pants and a sequined tube top in a frat party. I was 18 . . . and yeah, I outgrew that as most people will. Years later . . . its turned off just due to life and the rush and pace of maintaing home, jobs, etc. I think it took my H's affair for me to reclaim this part of me. And yeah, it takes discipline not to use it to get a quick fix for the emotional needs when H is clearly wayward and having those needs met elsewhere.